What I've done

Green eyes stared back at him as Kyp Durron took a long, sorrowful look into the mirror.
His dark curls were plastered to his head, a few drops of still warm water pearling off his athletic body.

The expression on his face was one of carefully rehearsed contentment.
This was the face he let his friends and colleagues see.
But not one of them knew what Kyp Durron was like on the inside. None of them knew about his nightmares, about his fears and ultimately about his regrets.

What a beautiful lie he had built up around himself.

At times like these, he wished he had someone to talk to. Someone who could objectively listen to what he had to say, without the knowing look in their eyes of watching a murderer, a monster.

At times like these, he wished he could forget.

The universe around him was far too quiet; a quietness he knew he would never be able to get used to.
The calm made him edgy, allowed him to think.

And at this very moment, thinking was something he did not want to do.
All his thoughts, every inkling and fibre of his mind, took him back to the time where one mistake had changed his entire life forever.

He scowled at his reflection, as memories he had tried to repress resurfaced, trying to yet again torment his already torn soul.

Why could he not forget?
Why could he not let the past be?

A long sigh escaped his throat as he closed his eyes.
Because the past will always come back to haunt me.
Because I will never be able to justify what I’ve done.

“I don’t know if I can do this.” he whispered towards his reflection. “I don’t know how.”
Uncertainty was something Kyp had always had to grapple with. Even as a young boy he had felt awkward towards the other children his age, knowing deep down that something about him was different.
The only person he could really open up to had been his older brother, his best friend.

And when the Empire had taken Zeth away…

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore the memories of his brother.

You’ll have to face yourself. One way or the other.

A cold shiver ran down his spine as he thought back to the spice mines of Kessel.

During the time his parents had still been alive it had been tolerable. When he had woken up he could look forward to at least being with a part of his loving family.

His mothers smile had warmed him and his fathers’ hugs had comforted him.

Even after so many years tears sprang to his eyes as he remembered their beautiful faces, their loving caresses.

And then they had died.

His own anguished screams still echoed within his mind. In his nightmares he could still make out their lifeless bodies as they lay on the cold floor.

His mothers beautiful dark eyes had still been open…

Kyp didn’t quite remember who had carried him away from the scene but when he had been able to think clearly again, he had found himself hiding in the dark tunnels.

That had been the first time he had vowed never to be helpless again. Never again would he let anyone try to harm him. He would fight as hard as his little body would let him.

Kyp now supposed it had been more than just sheer dumb luck that he had met an old woman who saw within him the Force potential he could now use to its full extent. He had thought her to be senile, an old beggars woman on the verge of her own death.

But to his utter astonishment, she had been correct. In times of need he could will certain things to happen. Small things, unimportant things, but nonetheless, it was his mind that willed it so.

It had taken many years before he had let himself hope again. He had considered himself a broken shell, living every single day the same, nothing to aspire to, nothing to be gained.

And then Han and Chewie had rescued him.

To this day he owed Han everything. He would gladly give up his life for Han Solo, his friend, his father figure.

Han had managed to give him a beginning of a decent life.

Kyp had been given the choice to join Luke Skywalker’s Jedi Academy and he had gladly accepted the invitation. At the beginning of his training he had appreciated everything the Jedi Master had done for him but the uncertainty he had carried along with him for so many years had turned into impatience and this had led to his greatest mistake.

While desperately seeking to be so much more, he had undergone training with the deceased Dark Lord of the Sith Exar Kun. The dark spirit seemed to know exactly what it was that Kyp had wanted. All Kyp’s questions had been answered, all doors seemingly opened for him to wander through.
Everything had seemed to be possible. Everything.

And the one thing he wanted more than anything, while succumbing to the Dark Side of the Force, had been revenge.
His first obligation had been to erase what was left of the Empire.

In his grasp he had held one of the many powerful weapons the Empire had ordered built.
How ironic it was that this weapon might have been their downfall, had things transpired they way he had then intended.
And while searching for his brother at the Imperial training Academy of Carida, in his angry twisted mind, he had pushed the button to destroy the system.
Killing his brother and every sentient being residing on the planet in the process.

I’m a murderer…

Again Kyp Durron gazed towards his reflection and wondered briefly what it was that he had become.

Were the majority of people correct in their assessment of him being a danger to society? Should he have been executed as so many had demanded?

It would have been the right thing to do.

He was glad that he was still alive. He could try to make amends this way, although it grew harder every day.

What’s the use? he asked himself. Who cares about what I do?
But deep down inside he yearned for acceptance. He wanted people to see him as Kyp Durron – the person who he really was – not the murderer of millions.

He wanted forgiveness.

He turned away from the mirror and headed to the living area. The windows were still open, a cool draft touching his damp skin as he gathered up his clothes to get dressed and settled onto the sofa.
Leaning back he closed his eyes, while trying to gain a small moment of peace, away from the menace he had been as a youth.

“I care about what you do.” said a deep voice, startling Kyp out of his reverie.

He sat back up and gazed across the room towards a tall figure leaning against the plain grey wall. Clad in black clothing, his short dark hair in casual disarray, the figures’ green eyes gleamed with a fierceness Kyp had almost forgotten.

“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. What’s done is done.”

Kyp frowned and crossed his arms across his chest, “Either I’m completely losing my sanity or this is one hell of a bad dream.”

The figure shrugged and a small smile tugged at his lips, “Who knows? Maybe you’re dreaming, maybe you’re going crazy, maybe I’m just a Force projection. Fact is I’m here. That’s what counts.” He moved away from the wall and sat opposite Kyp on the sofa, his smile widening, “It’s been a while, huh? You’ve grown, little brother.”

Kyp ignored the remark, “Why are you here?” he asked softly.

Zeth shrugged, “You called, I guess. I mean, look at you. Sitting here all alone, sulking and whining about what’s happened in your life.” He held up a hand as he noticed Kyp’s dark look, “There’s nothing you can do about the past, Kyp. It’s over and done with. As hard as it may be, suck it up and live with it.”

Kyp had forgotten about one of the most annoying traits Zeth Durron had used to exhibit, always having something to say even if the situation warranted him to better be quiet.

“Easier said than done. You don’t know how people look at me, the way they treat me once they realize who it is they’re talking to.” He sighed, “I’ve lied so many times just to feel normal for a while. Self preservation, I suppose.”

Zeth chuckled, “You’re scared, and that’s all. You just don’t want to admit it.”

The younger brother scowled at him and Zeth laughed, “Feels like old times, doesn’t it?”

Kyp nodded and said with a laugh, “Yeah. Me wishing for you to shut up.”

“Is this any way to treat your brother you haven’t seen for so many years? Come on Kyp. Now’s your chance to be honest with yourself. Didn’t you want someone to listen to you? To believe what’s going on in that strange head of yours?” Zeth grinned, “That’s why I’m here.”

Kyp sighed and slowly shook his head, “I wish this were real, you know.”

Zeth shrugged, “I’m as real as you want me to be, little brother. And as long as you need me, I will be here for you.”

“I’m the reason you’re dead, Zeth!” Kyp suddenly shouted, his anger towards himself getting the best of him, “How can you be so calm about this?”

Zeth took a deep breath and let it out with an audible sigh, “I don’t mind having died, to tell you the truth. It’s different now but better.” His gaze wandered off towards the window. “I forgive you, you know.”

This caught Kyp off guard and he blinked, “What?”

“I forgive you.” Zeth said softly, “For everything you’ve done and for everything you’re going to do. I forgive you.” He paused for only a moment, letting what he had just said sink in, “And now it’s about time for you to do the same.”

Kyp slowly shook his head as he jumped to his feet and started pacing up and down the living area. “I don’t know if I can, Zeth. How can I forgive myself when the people I’ve hurt so badly would never even consider it?”

Zeth scowled at his younger brother, “It’s not about the others. This is about you.” He sighed, “Let me ask you this; how do you expect to live a halfway decent life if you keep hiding?”

“I’m not –“

“Yes, you are.”

Kyp turned away from his brother and walked to the window, gazing across the lighted landscape of the capitol. At night the city was so much more spectacular; a hive of never ending activity. Buildings seemingly built to reach the sky, traffic lanes as far as the eye could see and colourful lights making Coruscant seem like an amusement centre in itself.

“I try to keep a low profile.” the younger brother whispered, “I feel uncomfortable when people begin to recognize me.”

Zeth came to stand beside him, one hand ruffling his brothers’ damp hair, “Completely understandable. But you have to face them.”

Kyp sighed and nodded slowly, “I know.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest, “You’re right, Zeth. I am scared.”
It felt odd finally admitting what had been hovering in front of him all this time.

“To fear is perfectly normal.”

“I feel like a coward.” Kyp hissed under his breath, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Zeth smiled reassuringly, “You’re not a coward, little brother. Every sentient being has to face their faults one way or the other. Some faults range higher than others but at the end, none of that matters. Facing your fears – facing yourself – is essential to life. Without being able to do so…how can one expect to live?”

They stood next to each other for a long while, neither one of them speaking, both deep in thought.
Kyp wondered what his life would have been like had the Empire never meddled into his life; or any life for that matter.
Would he have been happy on Deyer? Would he have still become a Jedi Knight?
Which road would Zeth have taken?
One thing he knew for sure; had he been given the chance at a decent life, he would not have been afraid.

“Do you remember the book Dad used to read to us when we were little?” Zeth suddenly asked, his gaze still sweeping the Coruscanti landscape.

Kyp smiled slightly, “Yes. Heaven’s Kingdom.”

“Be without fear in the face of your enemies.” Zeth began to recite, “Be brave and upright that God may love you. Speak the truth, always, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong. That is your oath.”

Kyp nodded, “That was your favourite part of the book. I remember.” He smiled, “You used to make Dad read to you every night.”

“I memorized half the book. And during all that time our family was ripped apart, those few words stuck in the back of my mind.”

Kyp took a deep and steadying breath. This talk of family was prying open wounds he wished so badly would heal.
His thoughts drifted back towards his mother. The last memory before they had been herded off to Kessel was one of happiness. A bright smile had lighted up her beautiful face and Kyp remembered vividly as she had gathered his small form up into he arms and had held him fiercely, as if somehow knowing everything would soon change.

With a sigh Kyp turned away from the window and let himself fall back down onto the sofa, “Words to live by.” he murmured turning his gaze back towards his brother.

“I don’t know if I’ll remember being here.” Zeth suddenly whispered, “I wish I could come visit more often.” He turned to face Kyp, “I have the feeling we won’t see each other again.”

Kyp smiled slyly, “I haven’t yet decided if you’re a figment of my imagination or the Force trying to send me a message.”

Zeth shrugged, “Maybe I’m a little bit of both.” He smiled then, a smile Kyp remembered had made girls go crazy, “But if you ever need someone to talk to, just close your eyes and picture me. I might even be listening.” He paused for a moment taking in his surroundings with a far away look in his eyes, “You’ve been given a second chance, Kyp. Make the best of it.”

Kyp closed his dark eyes and suppressed a shudder. Zeth was right, of course.
He had been given a second chance and the best he had done so far was sulk.
A frown creased his forehead.
Not only did he feel like a coward for running away from what he inevitably needed to face but throwing away what had been returned to him by people who apparently cared a great deal for him felt downright wrong.

And deep down inside he was ashamed to admit that it had been the words of his dead brother that had reminded him.

“Thank you.” Kyp whispered opening his eyes but as suddenly as Zeth had appeared, he had vanished.
He sat alone on the sofa, a long sigh escaping his throat, “Thank you.” he repeated and a slight smile surfaced on his face, “For everything.”

Once more he let his gaze sweep the scarcely furnished living area of his apartment, his thoughts going out to his family.
A picture of his parents floated into his mind, their eyes filled with joy as they watched their son grow old and happy. And a picture of Zeth with a big smile on his face, nodding towards his little brother with understanding showing in his eyes.

He got to his feet and grabbed his coat, “Whatever pain may come,” be said silently, remembering a short phrase out of the book Zeth had loved so much, “today this ends.”

He left his apartment vowing to let the past be and continue into the unwritten future.


*~*~ End *~*~

Best Things In Life

“You do know you’re about to lose, right?” Mara grinned mischievously as she held the liquor glass to her mouth.

A small crowd had gathered around their table, a few of the people even cheering them on. She supposed it was not an every day occurrence that two Jedi Masters held themselves something of a drinking match.

But it was not just a contest to her.

No, Kyp Durron had challenged her. And she would teach her fellow Jedi that challenging Mara Jade was not a very clever move.

She cocked her head to one side after she had downed her drink, satisfied at the sight that met her eyes.

Kyp was leaning against his chair, one arm draped over the back, trying to seem nonchalant. But he wasn’t doing a very good job at it. Even without using the Force, Mara was an ace when it came to evaluating human beings and just now, she very well knew that Kyp Durron was drunk.

As stubborn as the younger man was, there was no way he would voluntarily back down and give in to defeat. Especially when his opponent was Mara Jade.

And so he took the next liquor shot into his hand and downed the spicy drink in one motion.
He had a blank expression on his handsome face but Mara had the feeling that Kyp wasn’t doing well at all. His skin color had paled noticeably during the last half hour and she could see perspiration collecting on his forehead.

Mara took a hold of the next glass, threw her head back and emptied it to the last drop. To emphasize her point, she turned the glass upside down, her smile widening as a serving droid came their way, a tray attached to its torso, carrying yet another batch of the dark alcoholic beverage.

Kyp sat up straight but held on to the table with a firm and tight grip. His eyes darted towards the five small glasses now in front of him and his expression changed ever so slightly. Mara had the feeling Kyp knew that this time, he would not succeed. And knowing him, it was eating him up inside.

“Give it up, Kyp!” Mara said amusement evident in her voice, “I can take at least another two rounds of this!”

But Kyp shook his head adamantly, “Don’t believe you.” His speech was slurring just a bit, “I won’t give up.”

Mara shrugged, “You’re the one who’ll be kissing the ‘fresher all night.”
The next shot went down in under a second. Her green eyes darted over to her assailant who took up the next glass and held it to his mouth. He closed his eyes for a moment and Mara wondered what it was that was going through his head.

She counted to three and still he sat there, unmoving, the glass yet to be emptied.
“You know, to win this challenge, you’ll have to drink up.” She reminded him with a grin on her face. She perched her elbows unto the table, laying her chin onto her palm and giving him the sweetest look she could muster.

“Shut up.” Kyp said and swallowed every last bit of the liquor. But for the first time since the challenge had started, his face twisted up in disgust.

Yes, Mara was absolutely positive that she would win.



By the end of the evening, Kyp was no longer accessible.

They had just begun their last round when he had suddenly lain his head down onto the table with a loud thump and ceased to move.

Admittedly Mara wasn’t feeling too well herself. The cantina was starting to swim and she could have sworn that there was a slight ground quake somewhere in the vicinity.

Or maybe it was just her head…

She got to her feet after slowly pushing away from the table and walked towards Kyp. Satisfied that he was still breathing she tried to wake him.

“Kyp!” she called but he still did not move.

The crowd around them had dispersed after Mara had evidently won the match and the two Jedi were now alone in the back of the darkened cantina. Music was blaring in the background and people were mulling around. They hardly took notice to two very drunk individuals, one of them hardly being able to walk straight.

“Kyp! Wake up!” she called again, punching his upper arm.

He made a noise that resembled a groan but otherwise kept quiet.

Mara’s next punch was harder but he didn’t seem to care much. To her dismay, she had to hold on to the downed Jedi’s clothing or else she would have fallen to her knees.

The ground quake was getting more violent by the minute…

“We need to get out of here, Kyp.” She yelled into his ear and she was delighted to see his eyes open.

“Can’t.” – was his only reply and he buried his head into the crick of his elbow still lying on the table.

And then suddenly she heard him snore. He sounded like a wild animal off a backwater planet and Mara caught herself laughing.

One hand still holding on to Kyp’s clothes, she steadied herself against the chair with her other hand. And she couldn’t stop laughing.

She pushed at Kyp’s limp body and when again he didn’t respond, she punched him. As hard as her tired muscles would let her, she kept punching him until his eyes fluttered open and he sat up.

“Ow!” he yelled at her, “Stop hitting me, woman!”

But Mara hardly understood him. Not only was she still laughing too hard and the music was excessively loud but Kyp’s speech was severely impaired.

“We have to go.” Mara called hoping to be heard over the noise. She pointed to the exit, wishing she hadn’t, since the ground began to move again.

She had let go of the chair and if Kyp hadn’t gotten up on time to catch her, she would have fallen to the ground.

He held her for a moment, his head spinning and together they dragged themselves to the exit.
Outside the air was cool and both of them were astonished as they realized it was already getting lighter. The streets were slowly filling with other pedestrians and traffic zoomed by up above but Mara’s laughter droned out any other noise.

“What’s so funny?” Kyp asked with an annoyed edge to his slurry voice.

Mara straightened up and tried standing still but everything was spinning wildly and she clutched at her fellow Jedi with all her strength.

“I’ll fall.” She said as if it were reason enough that she was about to strangle him with his own clothing.

“Home?” Kyp asked and Mara nodded before breaking out into laughter again.

They had tried to walk a few meters before a beeping sound suddenly halted them in mid stride.

It was a persistent tone, an annoying tone and it took a very, very long moment before Kyp finally realized that it was his com link stashed in the inside pocket of his jacket.

Mara bit down on her lip to stop from laughing as Kyp activated the small piece of technology and held it to his lips. She noticed that he was swaying back and forth a bit.

“Hello?” Kyp asked in a high-pitched voice dragging the word a little too long, making Mara burst out into laughter again.

“Uh…Master Durron?”

He nodded as if the person on the other line could see him, “Yeah. What’s up?” He didn’t recognize the voice, only that it was male.

“I’m sorry to have to disturb you this early, but I need a favor.”

Kyp gazed down towards Mara who was still clutching at his clothes. Her weight was pulling him down to the ground ever so slightly.

“Anything my old friend!” Kyp called into the com link, stifling a laugh as he watched Mara slowly sliding to her knees. She began to giggle, clapping her hands in front of her mouth, hoping the other person on the com link couldn’t hear her.

“Is this a bad time?”

Kyp shook his head as Mara took his hand and pulled him down to the pavement. The two of them sat side by side, Mara biting down on her lip, her shoulders bobbing up and down in silent laughter.

“Nope. Not. At. All.” He took a loud steadying breath – a sigh of sorts – as if, at that very moment, he had remembered that he was a respected Jedi Master, a patron people looked up to.
He wrinkled his forehead in an exaggerated gesture of concern and cleared his throat. “What can I do for you?”

Mara noticed his voice sounded deeper than usual and she realized that he was faking it to sound sober. She buried her head into his jacket and couldn’t help but laugh again.

“Remember where we left the shipment I’d ordered?” the voice asked with a chuckle. Mara wasn’t doing very well with concealing her laughter. “Docking bay 3569-CA?”

“Uh…” Kyp put his com link aside and gazed down at his very drunk friend, “Do you know what he’s talking about?”

Mara looked up, tears in her eyes and grinning widely, “I have no idea.” She whispered shaking her head.

He cleared his throat and spoke into the com link again, “Sure. Why?”

“I need you to pick it up. They won’t let me near it due to age regulations and that nonsense. Can you do that for me? I need it by mid day.”

“A mission!” Mara suddenly hissed while sitting back up, “We’re going on a mission!”
Kyp frantically waved at her, a gesture for her to be quiet but Mara ignored him as she tried getting back to her feet.

“Who’s that?” the voice on the other end asked.

“A friend.” Again he cleared his throat, “Consider it done!” he called a little too loudly and he cut the connection.

Mara was swaying back and forth, steadying herself on Kyp’s shoulder who still sat on the cold pavement.

He tried getting up but it was a difficult task while Mara was gripping at him as if her life depended on hit.

“Now what?” he asked when he had finally gotten to his feet. The two of them held on to each other before slowly walking down the street towards the inner city.

“Mission!” Mara said again with a smile on her face, “What he just said.” She pointed to the com link Kyp still held in his hand. As if just now noticing it, he stashed in back into his pocket with a confused look on his face.

“I don’t even know who that was.”

Mara laughed again and reached up to pat Kyp’s head, “You’re so cute, you know that?”
Kyp grinned, “You’re so drunk, you know that?”

She nodded pointing at his chest, “So are you!” she said playfully. Taking a deep breath, she let it out with an audible sigh and her former cheery face suddenly fell, “I don’t feel too well.”

She stopped walking and put one hand to her stomach, “No. Don’t feel good at all.”
“Let’s take you home then.”

The cool morning air was doing its best to clear Kyp’s mind and he was fairly certain that he would at least make it home in one piece.

At least he hoped so.

“No mission?” Mara asked in a low voice, sounding more like a little girl denied her favorite toy.

Kyp shook his head, “No mission. Not today. In two days maybe. Once I’ve woken up.”
Mara laughed lightly, “You want to sleep two days?”

“I’ll try.”

Slowly they kept walking, ignoring the looks other patrons were giving them. Indeed, it was a very strange sight seeing two very famous individuals, two celebrated Jedi, not being able to stand, let alone walk, properly.

But sometimes even Jedi needed a few hours of fun.

~End~

I Love You

It was a beautiful evening in the capitol.

Kyp Durron shifted his gaze towards the window but hardly acknowledged the magnificent view of the colorful city landscape.

Pacing back and forth in his living area, he took a deep, steadying breath and nodded to himself, “I’m a Jedi.” He whispered, “I’ve been through so much crap, I can do this.” He let out an audible sigh and shook his head. His heart was pounding beneath his chest; he could feel the rhythmic beating in his throat.

The nervousness spread throughout every fiber of his body and he tried a Jedi technique to calm his nerves. He felt nauseous when he let various scenarios of the evening cross his mind. He shoved the unwanted scenarios into the back and took yet another deep breath, “No time better than the present.” He whispered, as he absent mindedly patted the pocket of his jacket.
He left his apartment with a smile on his face, the nervousness growing with every step he took towards the turbo lift.




Nelia Alden took another look at her wrist chrono and sighed inwardly. She was early, as usual. One of her many inconvenient habits, was being overly punctual. With this habit came impatience and this did not bode well when waiting.

Slowly she made her to the meeting place, a large public balcony that overlooked the Senatorial District. At night the view from here was breathtaking and now with the festivities going on, the night sky was alight with banners, light projections and still there was more than enough traffic to think half the galaxy had no where else to go.

She distracted herself with watching other pedestrians strolling past, most of them chatting loudly, eating or drinking – all in all, having fun. It was the first day of the New Year’s Fete Week and it seemed to Nelia that the entire planet was celebrating. It wasn’t every day that one saw all sorts of beings mingle together and at times like this she actually enjoyed being on Coruscant.

Again she glimpsed her chrono and grimaced. Fifteen more minutes of waiting impatiently because she didn’t feel like waiting at her apartment. She started walking up and down the short walkway where she would be meeting up with Kyp.

Thinking about the older man made her smile.

She had met him almost four years earlier and quite by accident. Deep in thought and consulting her data pad, she hadn’t been paying attention while walking and had bumped into him. She would never forget the first time she saw those beautiful, light green eyes; his smile as he picked up the data pad she had dropped and handed it back with a stupid remark.

Next time, watch where you’re going…

But he had kept smiling and that’s when Nelia had fallen head over heels for him. She had taken it upon herself to find out more about this mysterious, handsome man. Perhaps it had been fate or maybe just sheer luck, but the very next day she had passed him while walking to work.

“Seize the moment!” Her father had always said and she did. They started talking, with occasional flirting in between and Kyp had asked her out for lunch.

Nelia’s smile widened as she thought back to the first few dates they had gone out on. She had felt like a teenager again; it had felt like an adventure, being together with one of the famous Jedi of the Order.

Nowadays she didn’t much care about Kyp’s occupation. It was the man he was, the man hardly anyone else really knew, that she loved with all her heart.

To pass the time she shifted her gaze back towards the mob of beings, watching a group of costumed children running around with plastic blasters and lightsabers.

She sighed as she let her mind wander, hoping that Kyp would arrive on time.




Kyp rounded a corner and hurried towards the meeting place where Nelia was no doubt already waiting on him. He caught sight of her, and he stopped in his tracks, watching her for just a single moment and asking himself – as he had done so many times in the past – what he had done to deserve such a beautiful and wonderful woman.

Dark curls framed a heart shaped face, her eyes reminded him of the darkest Corellian brandy and her smile could melt any man’s heart.

He walked on, while trying to steady his radical heart beat with yet another breath of fresh air. Not even Jedi calming techniques were helping him much.

She was facing the other way, her attention drawn to something Kyp couldn’t see. He smiled to himself as he slowly came closer, encircling her waist from behind and whispering in her ear, “Hello there, beautiful.” He took in the sweet smell of her perfume and closed his eyes as she leaned against him.

He heard her chuckle as she turned around in his arms, pulling him towards her. Their lips met in a long, passionate kiss; the kiss of lovers who hadn’t seen each other in several days, the kiss of lovers who knew they were meant to be together.

“Miss me?” Kyp asked as he held her at arms length, admiring her beauty.

Nelia nodded, her loving smile not once leaving her features, “Of course.” She hugged him then, grabbing his jacket in both her hands. She felt content just holding him then and there and she wished this very moment could last forever.

“I was worried, too.” She whispered and heaved a sigh of relief, “I’m glad you’re back.”
“Come on.” Kyp took Nelia’s hand and seemed not to be able to hide his grin, “I have a surprise for you.” He pulled her towards the ever growing mob of beings and slowly they made their way towards a small park area at the outskirts of the Senate District.

They kept pace with the other pedestrians and took a short cut. It was suddenly eerily quiet and Nelia then really noticed how dark this region of the city could be and why she never ventured out alone.

Kyp stopped suddenly and without a word he gathered her up into his arms and kissed her again. She moaned softly as a shiver ran down her spine, her hands playing with locks of his dark hair, as his lips touched the hollow of her throat.

He pulled back and smiled at her, taking a hold of her hand and leading the way to where ever it was he was taking her.

A few people passed by but took no notice of them and as they arrived in the park area, Nelia was surprised to see the place almost empty. She followed Kyp further, taking in her surroundings, curiosity growing as they walked on.

A giggle escaped her throat as she caught sight of a large blanket laid across the grass. Kyp gestured for her to sit and he plopped down beside her.

He laid his arm across Nelia’s shoulders and he was at a loss for words. Being with her seemed like moments out of a dream; how many times had he asked himself if all this was real?

Next to him sat a woman who didn’t care about his past, who didn’t care what people whispered behind her back.

Next to him sat the one person who could easily deal with his attitude but who could just as easily make him shut up in an instant.

It seemed so perfect.

Nelia noticed Kyp’s lack for words and gave him a quizzical look, “Are you alright?”
He nodded and swallowed a lump that was forming in his throat, “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
Nelia shrugged, “I don’t know. You’re so quiet.”

Kyp chuckled and cupped her face in both his hands, leaning forward to place another kiss onto her full lips. “We have all the time in the world to talk.” He whispered, the flashing colorful lights of the festivities reflected in his dark eyes.

Nelia jumped when there was a loud crashing sound from above and it took her a moment to realize that fireworks were starting up. Kyp’s grin widened, “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.”
Playfully she pinched him in his arm. She grew worried instantly when she returned her gaze back to him. There was an austere look on his face, but his eyes told her a different story.
“Kyp, are you sure you’re alright?”

“I love you.” He suddenly said, while taking her hands. She already knew that he loved her, he’d stated so many many times before but something in the way he said it sounded different this time.

Her heart began to race.

“Since we’ve met, “ Kyp continued, “you’ve irrevocably changed me.” His eyes never left her face, “You’ve seen me at my best and you’ve seen me at my worst. You’ve never doubted me and you’ve always been there for me when times got rough.”

Nelia blinked as she listened to the words Kyp was saying, her heartbeat accelerating.
“I know that you understand me, when others don’t. You make me laugh and you make me reflect. You’ve stayed at my side all this time, waiting for me, even though I’m away so often. ” He looked away for just a moment, his gaze shifting to the brightening sky as blue and green colors lit the hemisphere.

“I love you for all this and so much more.” He continued, his voice only a whisper and Nelia tried holding back tears. “There is no doubt in my mind that we are meant to be with one another. And therefore I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

He reached into his pocket and withdrew a tiny, black case and held it out for her. When he flicked it open, Nelia held her breath. The tears she had been trying to hold back ran down her cheeks as she took in the beautiful piece of jewelry – a gold ring with a dark blue gem stone, her favorite color.

“Will you marry me?”

He slipped the ring onto her finger and she nodded, “Yes.” She whispered and she threw herself onto her future husband, hugging him fiercely.

They shared a long kiss under a beautiful, colorful lit sky and knew that whatever came there way, they would make it together.

The Reason

A long sigh escaped Kyp Durron’s throat. To say that this day had been tiring would have been an understatement.

Jedi council meetings tended to end in long discussions, the Masters arguing every point on the Grand Masters list.

One of the topics had been to voluntarily visit a small planet on the Outer Rim; rumors had it there was a rogue Jedi on the loose. But since all Jedi were accounted for, it gave reason to investigate. Kyp had stayed in the back, not feeling like speaking up to any of the topics. He made sure that he listened to everything being said but he didn’t much care.

His mind was elsewhere.

In the end it was Corran who volunteered to search for this ominous Jedi. Corran seemed to enjoy these sorts of missions. Sitting around in a ship hours at end, asking question to follow leads. A line of work Kyp disliked; it lacked action.

Kyp lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, his mind wandering. Too many times had he asked himself what he would give up to turn back time, or at least have time stand still for a little while. Just long enough for him to collect himself, to think back on things that had happened.

Just to be.

He needed someone to talk to and he knew who this person would be. Even though they had parted ways only a few hours earlier, he longed to be near her again. If Kyp had his way, he’d stay with her forever.

But forever wasn’t an option.

Slowly he sat up, stretching his tired muscles. He couldn’t remember the last time he had had a decent night of sleep and it was taking its toll on him. When he took a look at his reflection in the mirror, he was astounded how much he’d aged in the past few months.

Lines, he was sure hadn’t been there before, made him look permanently on edge; as if by uttering one wrong word Kyp would lash out.

Depending on his mood, it might even be true.

He got to his feet and took a deep breath. Yes, he’d visit his one true love again. He went to see her every day; the one person who knew him in and out, the one person who scolded him without fear in her eyes. She would make his dark day turn bright again.

And with this thought in the back of his mind, he left his quarters at a quick pace.



He stopped at a florist to buy her favorite flowers. Dark red roses, her favorite color. She had once said the color reminded her of the essence of life. And every time he saw these roses, he would buy a few for her, just to see a beautiful, wide smile surface on her face.

The scent was sweet and strong, almost intoxicating. She always set the roses on the dining table because she loved the smell. Kyp had to get used to it at first but as time went by, he enjoyed the scent.

He walked on to their usual meeting spot. Kyp knew she’d be there; she always was.

And as he set one foot in front of the next, he let his mind wander again. He thought back to their life together.

He stopped in his tracks and took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He didn’t know if he’d ever forgive himself for hurting her so many times. Sometimes it would be the things he had said – things he regretted thereafter – while arguing with her; sometimes it would be because he was never home. The Jedi needed him and he would leave with only a kiss and a hasty good bye.

He had never meant to make her cry. And he would never forgive himself for doing so.

He walked on and thought back to all the times they had laughed together. As it is with every relationship, everyone has their ups and downs. The times she had smiled at him, the times she had laughed at and with him; he would cherish these memories until he took his last breath.

He took a quick look at his chrono; yes, she’d be waiting on him. The sun was shining, the wind was cool; the perfect weather for yet another get together to reminisce on the happy days they had had together.

As he neared his destination his heartbeat quickened. He could see the gates from where he was standing. This was always the hardest part; having to pass the gates to see his beloved. Taking a deep breath he hurried through, his eyes fixed on his surroundings.
Flowers were blooming in so many different colors, birds were singing and the cool breeze ruffled his hair. It was a beautiful day.

She would have loved this. She would have stood by his side, either holding his hand or holding on to his arm and they would talk in hushed voices and silently laugh. They would kiss and pretend that everything was perfect.

Kyp slowed his walk and turned to a beautiful and elaborately crafted headstone; dark red, the color of the essence of life. The writing on the stone was her own; she had chosen this very stone before falling asleep, to never again wake up.

He placed the roses on the ground and clasped his hands behind his back.
She had been gone for almost one year now and the void she left seemed to grow larger with every passing second. He fought back tears but to no avail.

He didn’t know how he managed to live day after day without her by his side. But he had promised that he would continue on, that he would live his life to the fullest. He tried his best to keep his promise but it was so very hard.

She had been his reason for changing. She had been his reason for starting a new and better life; his reason for being.

And now she was gone. And he wasn’t. He was left alone with trying to fight back the pain of losing his reason.

He closed his eyes, tears trailing down his cheeks.

Kyp missed her terribly; the grief tore a hole in his soul. He missed her laugh, the sparkle in her eyes when she was happy. He missed her soft touch, her beautiful voice. He missed absolutely everything about her.

Taking a deep, quivering breath he opened his eyes and forced a smile.

“I love you.” He whispered , “And I know you’re doing better.”

He paused, the breeze even colder when touching his moist face, “But I wish you were here. I miss you so much, sweetheart.” His voice trailed off and he shifted his gaze to the beautiful, cloudless blue sky, “I need you.” He closed his eyes and reached out with the Force, hoping to maybe a find her presence among the millions of beings within the Force.

The breeze picked up around him and instantly he knew it was her. As she had promised, she was there waiting for him. She always was and she always would be.

“I love you, Jaina.” He whispered, her breeze caressing his face. “I love you.”

A Day In The Life Of A Jedi Family Man

His green eyes fluttered open as his brain slowly began to comprehend the silly dream he had been having. Kyp’s youngest daughter had been humming an annoying children’s song the day before and his subconscious had made one hell of an ugly Kowakian Monkey Lizard sit atop a large tree, singing the song over and over and over again.

Sighing he sat up, leaning against the head board of his bed, longingly patting the empty space beside him. He heaved a sigh, reminding himself that his wife would soon be returning from a well earned vacation he had given her as a gift.
She had been gone for almost a week and he had been forced to be the family man, taking a leave of absence from the Jedi Order and trying his best not to lose his sanity.

He rubbed his eyes, throwing the covers aside and stretching his tired muscles. Here and there he heard soft popping sounds and again wished his wife was there to give him one of her splendid massages.

Stifling a yawn and walking on tiptoes, he made his way through the hall, first stopping at Thena’s door. The five year old lay huddled under her blanket, her stuffed bantha in her small hands and snoring softly. Light brown curls fell into her round face and again Kyp was astounded at how much she looked like her mother.
Satisfied that all was well, he walked on, stopping in front of his oldest son’s room, not even needing to open the door to know that the boy was sleeping. His loud snores wafted throughout the entire hall and Kyp walked on with a raised eyebrow. For a moment he wondered where Kaleb got it from; Kyp knew for a fact that he never slept that loud…

A few steps further down the hall, Kyp again halted, this time in front of his oldest daughter’s room, Kaleb’s twin sister. The door was slightly ajar and Kyp frowned as he heard nothing, not even the slightest soft breathing.
Instead – and he closed his eyes for composure as he realized this – he heard something from the living area.

Taking a deep and steadying breath he listened closely and having been young himself, recognized the sounds of kissing immediately.

Kyp debated what to do next; he asked himself what his wife would do. He even went as far and asked himself what Luke Skywalker would do if he had caught Ben with a girl in his living room at four o’clock in the morning.

Sighing and closing his eyes for a split second – inwardly getting ready for whatever was to come –, he took a step towards the living area, raising a hand to touch the light switch.

On the one hand Kyp thought it was funny, being the one to break up the two teens on his sofa. The startled looks both of them gave him was a picture he would most likely never forget. But on the other hand, there was a strange boy in his apartment, halfway on top of his little girl, his hands in places he didn’t even want to think about…

“Dad!” Rhea jumped off the sofa, one hand straightening the too-short black skirt she wore. Kyp cocked his head to the left, temporarily forgetting the boy and staring wide eyed at the lack of clothes his daughter had on her skin.

“What are you wearing?” Kyp asked, his tone neutral as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. He refrained from tapping his foot, instead arching a dark eye brow.
Rhea shrugged, suddenly feeling self-conscious, crossing her arms in front of her nude midsection, “Uh…clothes, Dad.” She cleared her throat, trying to change the subject with a smile, “I didn’t think you’d be up this early.”

“Clothes?” he echoed, ignoring her, “That skirt looks more like a damned pot holder, to me.” He frowned, his eyes taking in the boy still seated on his couch. “Who the hell are you?” he demanded and the boy flushed. Dark blond hair was spiked up at least ten centimeters and the tips were frosted black. The boy wore ear rings and make-up.

Kyp wondered how many tattoos he already had, symbolic to his crime files…
In a fluid motion he stood up, “Jaered.” He paused before adding a silent “sir”.
“Leave.” Kyp pointed towards the door.

“Dad, no! Calm down!” Rhea shook her head adamantly, a few strands of dark hair leaving the bunched up ponytail at the top of her head.

Kyp frowned, anger rising as well as his voice, “I wake up and find you here with a strange guy, half naked making out in my apartment, on my sofa? And you expect me to stay calm?!”

While saying this, his eyes drifted over to Jaered who was standing next to Rhea, the look on his face one of silent fear.

“It’s…” Rhea sighed, “It’s not what it looks like.” Her voice was barely audible as the lame excuse echoed in her ear, “Please, Dad, can’t we just talk about this?”
“No. Out!” He was only a micro second away from pushing Jaered out of his apartment but it seemed the boy had more brains than Kyp had thought and he nodded and made his way to the door.

Rhea hurried behind him and Kyp rubbed his hands over his face.

“You didn’t tell me your Dad was a Jedi!” he heard Jaered hiss and despite himself Kyp had to chuckle.

“I didn’t think it was important.” Rhea answered.

“Well, it is!” there was a definite note of fear in Jeared’s voices, “Your Dad could split me in half!”

Rhea laughed, “He could not. The things you hear on the holonet are exaggerations, you silly boy.”

And there they went on with kissing. Frustration settled in and Kyp closed his eyes again and took another deep breath. And another. And another.

When Rhea finally returned, she stood her ground and began tapping her foot on the ground. She got that from her mother.

“Dad, you just totally embarrassed me!” she shouted, tears in her dark eyes.
Kyp gave her an unbelieving stare and was about to respond when Kaleb entered the living room, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He was still wearing the same wrinkled clothes from the day before and Kyp silently wondered if the boy ever changed. “What’s all the screaming about?” he asked, yawning loudly.
“Dad’s being an ass, that’s what!”

Kyp’s eyes widened and he finally decided to take on the stance his wife always used in situations like this; hands on his hips and tapping his foot on the ground, he stared Rhea down, “How is that you think you’re in a position to argue with me?”
Kaleb rubbed his eyes some more and chuckled as he took in his sister’s new set of clothes, “You are so in for it, sis.” He turned around and still yawning, went back to bed.

“You know what?” Kyp said, throwing his arms up in defeat, “We’ll talk about this in the morning.”

“It already is morning, Dad.” Rhea said, pouting.

Kyp nodded, “Yeah, about that. I distinctly remember telling you to be home by midnight, correct?”

Rhea didn’t say a word but the trembling of her lower lip suggested she was close to breaking down crying.

“Well, since I was still up past midnight, consider yourself grounded for the remainder of the week.”

“But, Dad –“

He held up a finger, “No buts. Now get to bed.”

Defiantly crossing her arms in front of her chest, she hurried past her tired father. The door to her room closed and Kyp could hear her quiet sobs. He felt sorry for her but he felt even sorrier for himself at that moment.

“How do you do it?” he asked aloud, for the hundredth time wishing his wife was home.



Thena sat at the table, her short legs swinging back and forth, barely touching the carpeted floor. With a spoon in her hand and in between looks at the entertainment system –the same show with the same song as the day before on repeat –, she stuffed breakfast into her mouth, trying to chew too much at the same time.

Rhea grimaced as she watched her sister spit half her cereal back into her bowl. “That’s disgusting.”

Thena, still holding her stuffed toy in the other hand, grinned a toothy smile, “It’s fun.” She said.

Kaleb slouched into the living area, dressed in a long white shirt and sandy brown pants, a belt fastened around his narrow hips. He looked more like his father than he wanted to.

Rhea frowned at her brother, “Where are you going?”

“Meeting some friends.” Kaleb passed by the kitchen counter, grabbed a piece of fruit and took a deep bite, “Where’s Dad?” he asked in between chewing and swallowing.

“Taking a shower.” Thena answered, her dark eyes still glued to the entertainment system. A large, yellow and green dotted bantha cub jumped through the hologram, a bunch of kids behind it and all of them began their song anew.

“Isn’t it kind of early to be meeting your friends now?” Rhea asked, taking a sip of her Jawa juice. Kaleb snorted, “Says the girl who stayed out aaaaaaall night and comes home with the jerk who wants to get laid.”

Thena frowned, “You brought a boy home?”

Rhea ignored her, getting to her feet to defend Jaered, “He’s not a jerk! He’s a good guy, for your information.”

Kaleb, still chewing, jumped onto the kitchen counter and nodded, “Yeah, I bet.”
“What’s laid?” Thena asked in an innocent voice, eyeing her brother. Kaleb waved her question away, “I’ll you tell you when you’re older.”

Thena shrugged, her attention fixated back onto her yellow and green dotted bantha cub.

A few minutes later Kyp emerged from the bathroom, his wet hair bound together in the nape of his neck. Instead of his usual Jedi robes, he had chosen civilian attire, a dark blue shirt with dark pants.

“Good morning.” He said, giving each of his children a peck on the cheek. Well, except Rhea.

She turned her back to him, putting on her pouty face again. Kyp ignored her, pouring himself a cup of caf and enjoying as the bitter liquid found its way down his throat.

“Uh…Dad?” Kaleb asked, jumping off the kitchen counter and stealing Rhea’s juice. He gulped it down, ignoring her stare, “I need fifty credits.”

A perfect morning would have played out a little differently, in Kyp’s opinion. A long, hot shower – preferably a bath even – with a wonderful, tasty breakfast and warm caf on the side. The sun would be shining, his children would behave and would be quiet and there would be no annoying and nerve wracking children songs.

Kyp sighed, “For what?” he asked, finishing his cup and pouring himself another.
“I’m meeting a few friends in about an hour. We wanted to hang out.”
Kyp arched an eyebrow, “What about your allowance?”

Rhea chuckled, “Spend it all, no doubt.”

Kaleb narrowed his eyes at his sister, “I used it all up for speeder parts.” He cleared his throat, “I’ll pay you back. You know I will.”

Kyp made a face and handed him the credit chit, he had stashed in his back pocket.
“Thanks!” Kaleb exclaimed, hurrying back into his room to collect his shoes.
“That’s so not fair!” Rhea said, getting to her feet and trying to stare her father down, “He always gets everything he wants!” She stormed out of the kitchen and headed to her room.

Kyp sighed, taking another gulp of caf.

“Dad?” Thena asked, finally taking her eyes off the yellow and green dotted bantha cub, to sweetly smile up towards her father.

“What is it, sweetheart?”

“What’s laid?”



Kaleb had left shortly after having breakfast and Rhea had locked herself inside her room, listening to something she considered to be music. To Kyp’s ears it was noise, nothing more.

He knocked on Rhea’s door a few times, asking her politely to turn down the “music”. He didn’t know if she didn’t hear him or if she chose not to but he was slowly getting fed up with his daughter’s attitude.

He thought to himself, if they would ever think about renovating, he’d make sure the place was soundproofed.

Heaving a sigh and returning back to the living area – he had finally persuaded Thena to shut off the entertainment system – he sat down in front of his com console und dialed up the janitorial frequency. A young man about Kaleb’s age answered, the look on his face one of boredom. Kyp supposed it was the newest sickness taking over the galaxy’s young people: boredom.

“I need you to do me a favor.” Kyp said, one hand going through his dark hair, “Could you cut the power to only one room in the apartment?”
The young man nodded, “Of course, Sir.”

“Good. Second room on the left through the hall. And please be quick about it.”
The man laughed, his gaze going somewhere Kyp couldn’t see, “Already done.” And instantly it grew quiet. The noise was gone and Kyp could finally hear himself think again, “Thank you.” He cut the connection and counted in his head.

1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6…

Needless to say Rhea stormed out utterly angry but she didn’t lash out at him, as he had expected. Instead she started talking in a low voice, “Could you please put the power back on?”

Kyp gave her an innocent look, “What makes you think I had anything to do with it?” He got up from the com console, moving down the hall towards Thena’s room. She was sitting on the floor, playing with a few dolls her aunt had given her. “How about a bath?” he asked her and the little girl nodded, “Can I bring my toys?”

Kyp nodded, “Sure.” He walked further down the hall, Rhea trailing behind him – silently – but had an aura of poutiness about her, “Dad, all I wanted to do was listen to some music. Please put the power back on.”

With his back turned to her, he hid a small smile. He wondered, if he had had the chance, if he would have been just as difficult as a teen. And for that matter, he wondered what his parents would have done in the same situation.

“You know, being grounded usually means thinking about what you did wrong. And not shaking the entire building with that noise you call music.”

Rhea sighed, crossing her arms in front of her chest and leaning against the door frame of the ‘fresher. “I’ll keep it down then. But it helps me think.”
Kyp let the water run and turned around frowning, “It helps you think?”

“Yeah, Dad, it does. It’s this new band everyone’s talking about, The Borderline Toxics. The lyrics are so profound, Dad, I swear. And their songs are really really great. And they get me thinking in different directions, you know? Sort of, thinking outside the box.”

Kyp grabbed a bottle of bubble bath from a shelf – the picture on the front the same yellow bantha cub with the green dots – and poured a hand full into the tub. It smelled of extraordinarily sweet candy.

“The Borderline Toxics?” He let the name go through his head a few times but said nothing more. “Fine.” He said, walking past Rhea to fetch Thena, “Once I’m done giving your sister a bath, you can listen to your profound lyrics some more. But keep it down.”

Rhea smiled and to Kyp’s surprise gave him a peck on the cheek. She hurried back into her room, closing the door but not locking it.

“Thena?” Kyp called and the little girl came towards him already unclothed with a large towel in her hands. She ran past him towards the fresher and with one leap jumped into the tub. From the hall, Kyp could see the water splash against the walls, onto the floor, even up on the ceiling.

Closing his eyes for a split second he took a deep breath.

“Dad!” the little girl called, blowing bubbles in all sorts of directions, “I forgot my toys.”

Returning with her blond dolls, he sat at the edge of the tub, watching Thena. Just for a moment she closed her eyes and suddenly began to giggle. Out of his three children, Thena had been the one to inherit the most Force potential and every chance she got to show off in front of her Dad, she did.

A handful of bubbles rose into the air, spiraling about, abruptly changing directions to little Thena’s pleasure. She giggled as she maneuvered a large bubble towards her fathers head, placing it on top of his dark hair.

There was a light in her eyes when she accomplished things others couldn’t do; her entire face lit up with this light and Kyp was again so proud of his little girl.
The Force potential she had inherited from him but her long, curly hair, her dark brown eyes and her temperament were definitely her mother’s traits.

She was his little angel.

“Having fun?” he asked with a smile. Thena nodded, splashing more water into the air.
He watched her a while, his thoughts going here and there when he was suddenly interrupted by the com console. He sighed, “I’ll be right back.” He got up and hurried through the hall, Rhea right behind him as she exited her room.

The look on her face was one of concern and her brow furrowed. “What?” Kyp asked feeling alarm emanating from the girl. “It’s Kaleb.”

A bad feeling settled into the pit of his stomach. The twins usually always knew what the other was feeling, be it happiness or sorrow or fear or pain.

Kyp answered the call and his eyes widened as he gazed into the stern face of a Coruscant Security Officer, “Master Durron, I’m calling on behalf of your son.” He said, his tone as neutral as it could get, “We’ll have to ask you to come pick him up from the station.”

It took a moment for Kyp to completely understand what the officer had just said and he coughed to clear his throat, “Uh…would you mind telling me what this is about?”
The Officer shook his head, “I’m sorry, Sir. I’m not authorized to give out information on an insecure line.”

Kyp touched the bridge of his nose, “Alright. I’ll be right there.”
“Main Precinct, Sir.” The Security Officer cut the comm.

Kyp sat for a very long moment, listening to his surroundings, counting his steady heart beat and hoping that Kaleb was alright. Drawing on the Force he briefly touched his son and all he felt was apprehension. At least the boy wasn’t hurt.

“Rhea, I need you to watch your sister until I get back.” She nodded, worry etched onto her pretty face. Kyp passed her, gathering his coat into his arms and pulling on his boots.

Rhea stood with her hands digging into her pants pockets and she radiated even more worry. Her father planted both his hands on her shoulders and smiled encouragingly, “Hey. Everything will be fine. Don’t you worry so much.”

“He’s never gotten into trouble before.” She whispered.

Kyp shrugged, “As the saying goes: there’s a first time for everything.” He ruffled her hair, “Your sister’s still in the bathtub. I’ll be back soon.”

Kyp hurried and jumped into his yellow speeder. Backing out of his lot way too fast, he almost collided with another driver. Smiling and apologizing with a wave, he hurried into the vast traffic lane.

It took him longer than expected to finally arrive at the Security station. It was mid day and either people were getting off work, on their way too work or had nothing better to do than plug the lanes.

He parked the speeder and ran towards the entrance. The inside of the building smelled new as if the place had been refurbished recently. An elderly woman sat at the front desk, her eyes glued to a monitor in front of her. Officers and delinquents alike mulled about and there was a constant buzzing of talk in the background.

“Excuse me?” Kyp said and the lady looked up, “Hi. Uh…I got a call just a few minutes ago that my son had been…well, arrested I suppose?”

“Name, please?”

“Kaleb Durron.”

The lady nodded, tapped a few keys on the board in front of her and pointed down the hall, “Third door to your right. Just head on in.” Kyp nodded and thanked the lady, his heart racing at what was to come.

Force, he hoped Kaleb wasn’t in too much trouble.

He marched into the room and was relieved to see Kaleb up and well. More or less.
Kaleb stood at a large window, overlooking the city but even with his back halfway towards Kyp, the Jedi could see a large bruise forming beneath the boy’s eye. A long, ugly looking dark red gash beneath his lip was bleeding; all in all, his boy looked like crap.

“What the hell happened?” Kyp asked incredulously. Kaleb turned around, sighing heavily, “I’m sorry, Dad. I don’t know how this could have happened.”

The door swished aside once more, a large bully-like Officer entering with a pad in his hand. His smile wasn’t a friendly one and Kyp supposed he was one of those Bad-Guy cops you read about in zines or on the holonet.

“Jedi Master Durron. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” The Officer said, extending his hand, “I’m Lieutenant Neals.” He indicated for Kyp to take a seat and he did so.
“What’s this about, Lieutenant?”

Neals steepled his fingers, no doubt a stance to intimidate him but instead Kyp just arched an eyebrow. It took more than an overgrown bully to intimidate the Jedi Master.

“We have two charges.” The Officer explained, “First, there’s the issue of illegal speeder racing. We caught an entire group of kids this morning, your son being among them.”

Kyp gave Kaleb a dark look; the boy shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
“And secondly, young Kaleb’s been charged with assault and battery.”

Kyp touched the bridge of his nose, clearing his throat, “Kaleb.” He said in a low tone – a definite sign that he was mightily angry, “Mind explaining yourself?”
“Can’t you just get me out of here?”

“I’m inclined to leave you here. What were you thinking?”

“Dad!” He said this in a whiny tone of voice, “I didn’t get into a fight just for the hell of it. And it’s not even entirely my fault!”

Kyp shrugged, “I’m listening. And this better be good.”

“Well, we participate in these speeder races a lot.” At the look of both older men he held up his hands, “I know it’s wrong and I know it’s illegal but I have to admit, it’s a hell of a lot of fun. Anyway, this time there was this new guy. Our team hadn’t seen him before and we didn’t think he’d be a threat.”

“A threat?” Kyp echoed.

Kaleb nodded, “The stake of the race is your speeder. If you lose, you lose your ride. Simple as that.”

“And I’m guessing you lost?”

Kaleb leaned against his chair, sighing, “The idiot cheated. The rules are simple. We race with normal speeder parts. Upgrading is strictly forbidden. So after the race I found out that the guy had absolutely tuned the speeder, which is why he won. I have never lost a race before.”

“Ah. So you not only lost your vehicle, your ego got a scratch, too, huh?”

“It’s not even about that.” One hand went through his disheveled dark hair, “This’ll sound stupid, but it’s not honorable. You race and you race fairly or you don’t race at all. It’s just not right.” He sighed, “So I went up to the guy wanting to talk this through. And he came up into my face, calling names and bringing the family in, too. I’m sorry, Dad, I just couldn’t let that sit.”

“Who threw the first punch.”

It seemed Kaleb slouched even further, “I did.”

“Lieutenant Neals,” Kyp said, “Is he free to go?”

The Officer nodded, “I need your signature on a few flimsies and there’ll be a hearing, just to let you know.”

After getting all the paperwork done, Kyp and Kaleb walked back to the yellow speeder. Silently.

As they sat side by side, Kyp moving the vehicle back into the traffic lane, he heaved a sigh, “Did you at least win the damned fight?”

From the corner of his eye he saw his son grin, “Of course, Dad.”



It had only been a minute. A single minute!

Rhea muttered a string of curses as she ran back into the living room, wanting to throw something against the wall in frustration. She bit down on her teeth – hard – and took calming breaths.

Thena sat on the carpeted floor in the living area, a handful of various silver, glittery objects lying around her.

Rhea shook her head, “He never leaves without it!” she called, “Why now? And why the hell did you have to start taking it apart?”

Thena glanced up from the dissembled lightsaber and smiled, “Because it’s fun.”
“Dad is going to kill us.” Rhea said, trying to keep her voice even, “When he walks through that door, you’d better have it fixed!”

Thena loved taking things apart and putting them back together. The metal felt cold in her hands at first but then warmed up the longer she held the parts. The scent was interesting, too. But the thing she was fascinated about the most was the purple crystal.

Her Dad had once explained to her why his blade was purple. But since he usually always took his saber with him, she could never take a look herself.

Rhea had been preoccupied using the com unit and Thena had seized the moment.
It hadn’t even taken too long, Thena thought, as she bit her lower lip and narrowed her eyes. She held the purple crystal between her small fingers, moving it around in the light and admiring the different colors within.

It was a thing of beauty. She wished she could keep it. But Thena knew her Dad would be more than just angry if he came home and his blade was suddenly pink or blue or yellow with green dots.

“Put it back together!” Rhea hissed.

Thena frowned, “Stop rushing me. Or I’ll let you do it.”

The little girl knew Rhea was no good with mechanics. When it had been her turn to build her own lightsaber, she had almost blown the entire academy to pieces. Well, as far as Kaleb had said. But Kaleb was known to exaggerate a lot.

Rhea stopped pacing, clearing her throat and letting herself fall onto her knees. She smiled sweetly but Thena frowned, since she knew Rhea was only pretending to be nice, “Please, Thena. Could you hurry up? Please?”

Thena thought about it. She hadn’t gotten her father to get mad at her in a very long time. And the last time he was angry, he’d gotten over it fairly quick. She frowned as she was suddenly struck with realization that, supposed her Dad got back home too early and found his lightsaber disembodied like this, she’d be stuck in the house with Rhea for a very long time.

The both of them would be grounded. And she wouldn’t be allowed to watch the holo vids anymore. And none of her friends could come over.

Thena sat back and cocked her head to one side. But if she didn’t get the saber fixed in time, Rhea would be in even more trouble, since she was supposed to be watching her.

Thena smiled mischievously, “I want credits.”

Rhea swallowed, then coughed, “What?”

“I can fix the lightsaber before Dad comes back home. Or I can take my time, tell him that I got bored because you were on the com unit talking to your new boyfriend.”
“You wouldn’t!”

Thena smiled the smile of her mother, “Give me credits and I’ll hurry up and no one will know.”

Rhea narrowed her eyes, “You’re five, for Force’s sake!”

Thena sighed, shifting her gaze back to the parts on the floor, “Now, where was that one part I need…” With exaggerated care she searched the carpet, picking up the wanted piece of metal and going over it with her index finger.

Rhea watched in silence as Thena attached the small metal piece onto the handle of the lightsaber. “I could go a whole lot faster, Rhea.”

The older girl jumped to her feet, “Fine!” she yelled, “How much?”

She couldn’t believe she was doing this. Her little sister, the five year old cute, beautiful little girl, was bribing her!

Thena smiled, “Twenty will do just fine. “

“Why do you want twenty credits for?” Rhea asked, rummaging through her pants pockets for a few coins.

Thena shrugged, “Just because.”

And then suddenly Rhea grew very still. The look on her face was one of anxiety and Thena reached out to the Force and suddenly touched the minds of her brother and her father. Who seemed very, very near.

“Hurry up.” Rhea hissed, picking up the pieces of the lightsaber and running into Thena’s room. She dumped the metal pieces under Thena’s blankets and shoved the little girl into her room, “Finish it, Thena!”

The door to the girls’ room closed just as the front door opened and two male voices drifted in.

“How do you plan on getting your speeder back?” Rhea heard her father’s voice and frowned slightly. Kaleb had lost the speeder? She had known about the races and had sworn not to say anything. Well, all secrets got out eventually.

She straightened up, hoping that her father wouldn’t catch the anxiety within the Force. Goodness, she hoped Thena would be done on time.

Rhea walked into the living area, stopping in her tracks as she took in the bruises on her brothers face, “What happened?” she gasped.

Kaleb waved the questions away, moving passed her into the refresher. She glanced at her father, “Fight.” Was all he said as he headed to the kitchen area. He came back out with a steaming cup of caf in his hands.

Slowly he moved towards the sofa, letting himself fall and closing his eyes. Rhea sat down opposite him on one of the large chairs, fidgeting with her hands, still hoping Thena would come out any minute, the lightsaber back to its original form.
“What have you two been up to?” Kyp asked and Rhea jumped. She coughed, “Nothing.” She lied, “It was quiet.” She smiled and Kyp narrowed his eyes.

Oh, God…

That was the look. The look.

The look that told every child that he knew something was going on. The look that told you not to mess with him. The look that told you he was sure as hell going to find out what went wrong.

Rhea suddenly felt a headache coming on.

“You sure?”

Rhea nodded, shifting her gaze around the room and her breath caught in her throat. Right beside Kyp’s foot lay another piece of the lightsaber. Rhea gulped instantly wondering how she could get that little, stupid, tiny piece into Thena’s room without Kyp noticing.

Absent-mindedly Rhea rubbed her throat and nodded with a fake smile. Kyp so knew she was hiding something and she was utterly grateful when Kaleb came back into the living area, having changed into a pair of sweats and a plain white shirt.
He really did look a mess.

“What happened to you?” Rhea asked again, feeling her father’s gaze on her back as she turned towards her brother.

Kaleb told her about the race, about losing his speeder and getting into a fight with the new guy. Rhea didn’t know what to say and was about to ask another question when Kyp’s too cool voice stopped her, “Where’s your sister?”

Rhea cleared her throat again, scratching the top of her head. It was not a good idea to lie. Especially to her father. He knew something was up. He always did.
“In her room.”

Kyp got up, setting his cup of caf on the table. Rhea closed her eyes, waiting for an explosion of sorts she had yet to see. Thena had dismantled his lightsaber. His prized Jedi possession. This could not be a good thing.

Kaleb frowned at her and arched a brow, “What’s going on?”

“Dad forgot his lightsaber when he went to pick you up.” Kaleb understood immediately. Thena had always tinkered with things, knowing full well that she wasn’t supposed to.

“Ouch.” Kaleb hid a smile and sat down next to his sister on the other large chair, “Did she get it fixed?”

Rhea pointed to the floor at the single piece of metal and Kaleb shook his head, “Well, I’m glad it wasn’t me this time.”

And no sooner had he said this Kyp came back into the living area. Rhea couldn’t define the expression on his face but he radiated anger. Well, that was actually understating the fact.

She chose not to say anything. Which was a very wise move.
Thena came walking into the living area, eyes to the floor and hurried to stand next to Rhea.

Seconds seemed to stretch into minutes and neither of the family said a word. Kaleb was having a real hard time to keep a straight face and Rhea was hating him for this. She had the feeling that she and her sister were in way more trouble then Kaleb even though he had lost his speeder.

“Do you know –“ Kyp stopped, a hand going through his disheveled hair. He swallowed and shook his head, “What did you think to accomplish with this, Thena?” he asked in a controlled voice but the anger was about boiling over.

Thena lowered her head but said nothing.

“Do you not understand how dangerous this weapon is?” He shook his head, “Your mother and I have explained to you over and over and over again that you are not to ever touch any of our lightsabers, have we not?”

Thena nodded.

“Speak up.”

“Yes.”

“Then why did you do it? You could’ve gotten yourself hurt! Or even worse.”
Thena looked up, tears stinging her eyes, “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

Kyp shook his head, pacing back and forth, “I guess it’s partly my fault for leaving it here. But I can’t excuse this, Thena.” He stopped and stared her down, the disappointment in his youngest daughter evident in his dark stare, “I need to think this over.”

Thena nodded and without another word hurried back into her room. She dumped the blanket with the lightsaber parts onto the floor in the hall before closing the door.

“Weren’t you watching her?” Kyp asked Rhea in a muted voice.
“I swear, I only turned my back on her for a few minutes.”

Kyp walked back into the hall, picked up the pieces of his weapon, “Is this everything?”

The anger was swelling as Rhea dropped the last piece onto the blanket in her father’s hands. He moved passed her into his own bedroom and shut the door behind him.

Kyp lay on his bed and closed his eyes. This day had not been an easy one. He rolled his eyes as he took a quick glance at the chrono. It wasn’t even evening yet.

He sat up, taking a deep breath and seating himself in front of the small, personal com unit. After all the excitement today, he wanted to talk with his wife.

He needed to hear her voice, see her smile, see those beautiful dark eyes...
Kyp sighed.

He didn’t want to disturb her vacation. But he knew she’d want him to; she’d said so before she had left. If anything went wrong, if he needed her, she’d come right back.

He dialed up the frequency and waited a long moment and when she answered a great weight seemed to have been lifted off his shoulders. Her dark eyes smiled at him, her beautiful dark hair surrounded her pretty face.

He wished he could touch her, be with her…

“Everything alright?” she asked, worry evident in her voice.

Kyp smiled and nodded, “Only wanted to hear you voice.” He said but he knew she’d sense the lie. But she didn’t press on, “How’re the kids doing?”

He didn’t tell her about the incident with Kaleb, didn’t tell her about Thena’s desire to break things. Instead he just smiled, “The usual.”
She frowned, “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m just tired.”

They kept silent for a moment. Kyp sighed and rubbed his eyes, “Honestly? I wish you were back home. I miss you”

“You know what, I’ll take the next flight back.”

“I don’t want to ruin your vacation, sweetheart.”

She dismissed the comment with a wave of her hand, “The place is great but it’s not home. I miss the hectic. And I miss you.” She blew him a kiss and smiled, “I’ll be home in a few hours.”

“I love you, Jaina.”

She smiled, “I love you, too.”

He cut the com and sat back in his chair, rubbing his hands over his face. Jaina would be home soon. How he missed her…

He turned back to his bed, annoyed by the fact that he had a lightsaber to reassemble.

For a moment he closed his eyes, taking deep and steadying breaths. He walked into the living area, called Thena and when she was standing in front of him, averting her gaze he smiled, “You’ll still receive your punishment but I thought you might want to help put this thing back together.” He said and Thena looked up surprised.
“I’ll be here to help and look out but since you tore it apart, I think it’s best for you to put it back together.”

Thena nodded and sat beside her father on the soft bed, “I am really sorry, Daddy.”
He ruffled her hair and nodded.

My Best Friend

Grand Master Kyp Durron stood in his office, leaning against the wall and glancing towards the floor-to-ceiling viewport opposite him. There was a storm raging outside, raindrops pounding against the transparasteel, a fierce wind whistling through micro slits within the building’s walls.

He sat down at his desk, stretching his tired muscles and planting his booted feet atop the wooden table. The thing was an antique, he had been told, and it was a priceless piece of art. Dark brown – about the color his hair had used to be, he thought with amusement – and huge.

When he had taken on the role of the Grand Master of the Jedi Order, all he had wanted to do was continue on where his dear friend, Luke Skywalker, had left off. Kyp had accepted the post with divided opinions. On the one hand it was a great honor to lead the Jedi, to be the one the galaxy looked up to when it came to Jedi business but on the other had the responsibilities that came with the job were enormous.

Being the big boss, as his children often called him, if anything went wrong – even the slightest bit – , it was his ass on the line. And things tended to go wrong on a regular basis. The worst part of it all was having to deal with politicians.

He sighed, one hand going through his short, silver streaked hair. Shifting his gaze to holo picture frames on his desk, he smiled. The first hologram showed his wife holding their first born son, Zeth, in her arms. Kyp had met Marissa only a few weeks before the Confederation Galactic Alliance War had started. Before the stupid brat Jacen Solo had decided to change his name into Darth Caedus. Kyp rolled his eyes at the thought, grateful that those times were behind them now.

Marissa had instantly caught Kyp’s eye back then. Almost fifteen years ago Kyp had been a different man. A thick head, to the utmost extent, mostly always bent on everyone accepting his opinion and hardly anyone had talked back at the time. Except Marissa.

The picture in his mind was so clear, as if it were yesterday; dark blond hair had been braided into a ponytail down her back, dark blue eyes scanned her surroundings as she hurried through a mob of people. Why she had stood out, Kyp didn’t really know but he had seen her and he had wanted to talk to her.

Kyp picked up the holo frame and smiled at his wife, at little Zeth who had been only a few hours old when the picture had been taken. “You changed my life, love.” He whispered as he set the frame back on the desk, admiring the second picture of his youngest daughter. Ilyana seemed like a miniature version of her mother. The same round face, the same full lips and the same blue eyes that seemed to always know what you were up to.

Kyp closed his eyes, going back to the day he had stopped Marissa in the street, hoping she wouldn’t blow him off at first sight. She had seemed confused at first, a slight frown surfacing on her impeccable face. But after a moment she had smiled. And mostly due to the fact that Kyp, the almighty Jedi Master, had started to stutter.

“Sorry.” Kyp muttered, “Uh…I’m Kyp, by the way.” He held out his shaky hand and frowned at himself. This was definitely a first.

Marissa smiled, taking his hand in return and nodding, “Hello Kyp. My name’s Marissa.” She giggled as a blush surfaced on Kyp’s face, “What can I do for you?”

“Uh…” he swallowed and wanted to kick himself for being so silly, “Are…are you busy? I mean, I don’t want to intrude or anything, but…um…I…I…was wondering if you’d be interested in getting a cup of caf? Uh… with me.” He cleared his throat.

I’m losing my mind, he thought.

Marissa laughed and to Kyp’s surprise, nodded, “I’d be delighted.”

That day had changed Kyp’s entire life. He had met the woman of his dreams and from the first moment on he had known he would spend the rest of his life with her. Whenever times had gotten rough, whenever Kyp had needed someone to talk to, whenever he needed to laugh, Marissa was there for him.

Marissa was his life.

I never had no one that I could count on
I've been let down so many times
I was tired of hurting
So tired of searching
’Til you walked into my life
It was a feeling I'd never known
And for the first time, I didn't feel alone

His com unit buzzed and he was ripped out of his reverie. He took the call with a sigh but forced a slight smile as the young female face of his secretary showed on the small holo projector, “Alia. What is it?”

“Your wife’s here to see you, Sir.”

Kyp nodded, getting to his feet almost at once. The double doors to his office swished aside and Marissa walked in, a blinding white sun in his ordinary world. She looked beautiful today. She looked beautiful every day, Kyp thought and again he wondered what he had done to deserve such a perfect person.

She wore a long, dark green gown that hugged her curves exquisitely. Her hair, now shot with silver, fell onto her shoulders in long, dark blond waves and her smile still knocked him off his feet.

Marissa came towards him, both hands extended and planted a longing kiss on his lips, “I’ve missed you, my love.” She whispered, an endearing smile on her face.

Kyp gathered her up into his arms, hugging her fiercely, “Is everything alright?” he asked, since she usually never visited him in his office.

She respected the Jedi Order but tried not to interfere. Too much.

Marissa nodded, “Everything’s fine. I just wanted to see you.” Her chuckle was breathtaking. She swept a stray strand of hair out of his face, slowly caressing his cheek and softly kissing his chin, “Are you busy?”

Kyp shook his head, “I can spare a few minutes.” He smiled crookedly, encircling her waist with his arms and pulling her towards his body. He wished this moment would never end. Even after all these years, the love for her grew.

He kissed her, tenderly at first, almost tentative but as her hands tangled up in his hair, the kiss grew fiercer, fiery.

You're more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh, we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Every time I look at you

She pulled back for a gasp of air, grinning at her husband, “You should do that more often.” She whispered, barely audible.

He nodded, as if accepting an order, and met his lips with hers yet again.

To his dismay they were interrupted by the com unit and Kyp cursed under his breath. Officially he was still on duty and with a heavy heart, he backed away from Marissa, seating himself in his chair and accepting the call.

Ben Skywalker, long red hair pulled away from his unshaven face, stared back at him, a grim expression on his face. It had been a simple mission; rumors had it that there was a young Force sensitive boy on the loose, wrecking havoc as much as he could. Ben and his apprentice had been sent to see what the rumors were about but obviously something had gone terribly wrong, “What happened, Ben?” Kyp asked, suddenly sitting ram rod straight.

In the corner of his eye, he saw Marissa pace the room, her arms folded across her well accentuated chest. Kyp knew she had taken a liking to Ben and he could feel her worry pulse through the Force.

“Gavon’s hurt.” Ben cleared his throat, “Force lightening.” A large hand went through his dark red hair, “Dammit Kyp, some idiot wanna-be dark Jedi got to the kid first.” An exasperated sigh left his throat, “He ran off.”

Kyp nodded, stroking his chin with his thumb, “Don’t worry about it. Gavon’s your main priority right now. Get him home.”

Ben nodded and signed off.

Leaning back in his chair, Kyp closed his eyes for just a moment and was pleased when he felt Marissa’s light touch against his arm, “He’ll be alright.” She whispered, her warm breath against his neck and she leaned closer, “Don’t worry too much.”

Kyp nodded, “I’m fairly certain Gavon will be fine. It’s the runaway kid I’m worried about.” He sighed, “Especially this Force lightening stuff.”

Marissa nodded, “If there’s anything –“
Kyp cut her off as he pulled her down to his lap. He smiled a loving smile, “I don’t deserve you.” He whispered while gently brushing along the line of her jaw.

I don't know where I'd be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You're my best friend


He kissed her again, holding her lithe form close and wishing they could be at home, alone in their secluded rooms and no one would ever dare disturb them.

But then reality kicked back in and Kyp leaned back with a sigh. Her dark blue eyes had a sad look to them, knowing that whatever had happened to Ben and his apprentice was so much more serious, “I should let you get back to work.” She whispered yet made no move to leave her husbands firm grasp, “I’m in the way right now.”

Kyp narrowed his green eyes, shaking his head, “You are never in the way, my love.”

She scrambled back to her feet nonetheless, making sure the folds of her gown lay where they belonged. Kyp jumped to his feet, grabbing her hand, gently massaging her knuckles, “I don’t know where I’d be without you, Marissa.”

This beautiful woman, this being of perfection seized to amaze him, “I love you.”

She reached up and gently touched his cheek with her palm, “I’ll be at home if you need me.” She whispered and turned around to leave. The sad look within her eyes was still there and it tore Kyp apart seeing her like this.

With one quick stride he twirled her around, crushing her to his body and whispering, “You are my everything. You have saved me so many times. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Marissa stepped back, the fiery light he so loved slowly returning to her blue gaze, “I love you.” She said, standing on her toes to give her husband the passionate kiss he so longed for.

You stand by me
And you believe in me
Like nobody ever has
When my world goes crazy
You're right there to save me
You make me see how much I have
And I still tremble when we touch
And oh the look in your eyes
When we make love

She left him then, leaving only her flowery scent and the lingering touch of her lips on his. It seemed to him that he was falling in love all over again and he relished this thought. Having Marissa as his wife, having the family he had always wanted was his balance to being the Grand Master.

Never in his life had he ever felt for someone so strongly.

Marissa. His perfect, beautiful Marissa.

With a sigh he sat back behind his desk, dialing up the other Jedi Masters who made up the order. They needed to discuss the upcoming situation at hand. And Kyp hoped to all Gods of the universe that there wasn’t another Darth Something lurking in the shadows.

They had had enough Sith Lords for three lifetimes.

Animal I Have Become

Was it Jacen this time or was Caedus staring back at him? The man in front of the mirror couldn’t tell. There had been a time when he had known who he was. There had been a time when he could look himself in the eyes and not flinch away at the sight. There had been a time when he had liked what he had seen.

And now? Well, he wasn’t quite sure anymore.

In the beginning he had always known which one of his personalities swam to the surface. Jacen was always the brooding one, the one wanting to follow all the rules. Caedus was different. Caedus did what and when he wanted to. And Caedus was stronger.

So much stronger.

Jacen knew that before long he would no longer exist. It scared him that he had let it come this far, that he would be trapped by his own self, by the darkness that had been buried deep within his soul. Who would have suspected that he would be capable of so many dark deeds? And he didn’t even care.

Caedus didn’t even care. Jacen wailed inside, trying to break free of his self imposed prison within his mind. But Caedus grew stronger with every day and Jacen knew there stood no chance of ever getting free.

Unless someone got close enough to kill him.

It was a sobering thought but a frightening one. He hated what he had become but did not want to die. Not like this. Not as Caedus.

He wanted to be free; he wanted to be Jacen again.

I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

Caedus smiled at the reflection in the mirror. His golden eyes gleamed as the corners of his mouth rose into a sneer. He found it amusing arguing with himself. How he despised the man he had once been.

Weak.

Simple minded.

Afraid.

But not anymore. Caedus was different. Caedus was strong with an iron will and he was not afraid to use the powers given to him. He was a Sith Lord. And he wanted the entire galaxy to know, to see.

And soon they would.

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?

Jacen shouted at the top of his lungs, kicking at the invisible bars around his mind. Why had he trapped himself? Why couldn’t he have walked away from the powers offered to him? It had been his undoing.

No one will ever change this animal I have become

But still hope reigned in his heart; but also doubt and fear. It was a mixture of confusing elements raining down upon him, coursing through him. What had he become? What had Caedus, the darkness within Jacen, become?

Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal


“You are weak.” Caedus snarled at his reflection, shaking his head, “You are no longer a part of me.”

Jacen’s fear grew as he heard these words and he pounded against the cage of his mind but Caedus only smiled, “You will never return. You will never be Jacen again.”

Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this hell

Caedus turned away from the mirror, his black cloak billowing behind him. His boots softly clicked on the metal floor as he exited his quarters. He heard the man he had once been wailing in the back of his mind but he had been getting better at ignoring him. Soon he would not be bothered by him any longer.

Caedus would swallow Jacen Solo and he would make sure the weak Jedi Knight would never again see the light of day.

At least with this sacrifice no one would be able to stop him.

If Dreams Came True

It was past midnight when Kyp finally returned home, grateful to be able to seek out his bed, which he could have sworn kept calling, almost yelling out his name over and over again.

He’d had one hell of a day and now he was drop dead tired and damned well ready to ignore any further interruptions. Thrusting his hands into his pockets, he drew out his comlink and switched if off, throwing it onto the sofa in a wide arc.

He kicked off his boots – jumping up and down on one foot while the other boot seemed to be stuck – and placed his dark brown cloak over the back of the sofa.
Before heading towards his bedroom he made sure that anyone calling his personal comm unit would receive a recorded message of him not being able to answer – until at least noon the next day.

For a moment he wondered if he should switch off the door chime as well but only someone very brave would dare disturb him in his current mood and there weren’t very many people that came to mind.

So he shrugged it off and slouched into his bedroom, unfastening his Jedi garments on the way. He laid his lightsaber on a small dresser next to the door then let the sash around his waist fall to the floor where he stood. He slipped out of the robe, pulled his shirt over his head – and cursed under his breath when his shins hit the bed.
He was so tired he was hardly paying attention.

Throwing his shirt aside, he let himself fall onto his soft bed, the fluffy covers seeming to welcome him into the land of colorful dreams. He was barely able to reach for his favorite pillow before the veil of sleep took him in…

…

…

…

He sat bolt upright when he heard that treacherous sound of someone at the front door. At first he’d thought it was part of a very strange dream he’d been having – about two talking animals and he was sure the slithering one had represented Luke Skywalker – but then his brain had registered that someone was indeed brave enough to irritate him. He took a quick look at the small chrono on his nightstand and fought the urge to throw the device against the wall.

He’d be asleep for an entire hour! Wow…

Taking a deep, steadying breath he pushed himself off his bed and balled his hands into fists. Maybe it was important? Maybe the world was coming to an end and they needed him to save their sorry asses? Maybe someone important actually died and they – whoever they were -- were letting him know?

He hoped there was a catastrophe on the loose or else he’d be mightily pissed off.

He stalked through the darkness of the living area until he got to the controls for the lights. He dialed them up to forty percent then made his way to the front entrance of his apartment. He slapped the controls for the door to open and wasn’t the least bit surprised to see the one crazy woman in the galaxy who didn’t seem to care if Kyp Durron slept or not.

“What?” he growled at her, crossing his arms in front of his chest and narrowing his green gaze as Jaina Solo smirked.
“Were you sleeping?” She asked sweetly as she pushed him aside and entered his home.

“No. I was just lying around pretending to sleep with my eyes closed.”

Jaina chuckled while turning towards him. The front door closed silently and she arched a brow at the man’s near nakedness. Her dark brown eyes trailed along his broad shoulders, down his strong arms and impeccable torso, down towards his muscled abdomen but she didn’t allow her eyes to venture further.
Fighting a blush she forced herself to keep looking straight into his face, “Do you want me to leave?”

“What do you want, Jaina?” Kyp asked with an exasperated sigh, moving passed her and heading back into his bedroom. Jaina followed him with a questioning gaze, watching as he hurried towards his sleeping place, pulling back the covers and laying down beneath them.

She almost laughed when he grabbed a pillow, punching at it a few times before snuggling into it with his tousled head. His hair was standing on end, strands sticking out here and there – the new style gave him an overall adorable appearance.

“I didn’t know you liked soft.” Jaina said with a sly grin and she chuckled when Kyp raised his head to glare at her. “Your bed covers are fluffy, Kyp.” She trailed her fingers along the thick, black cloth.

“Try sleeping in uncomfortable bunk beds for eight years of your life and you’ll come to appreciate softness.”
There was an awkward silence in which Jaina took a long look around Kyp’s bedroom, finding it very bland, almost cold. Where she would have put up pictures of friends and family, Kyp’s walls were bare, lacking warmth.

She listened to his breathing, watched as his chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm. She smiled when she realized he’d fallen asleep again.
Slowly she moved around the bed and sat down next to him, reaching out to brush a strand of wavy dark hair out of his face. He seemed completely at peace while he was sleeping – there were no lines of worry, no frown that sometimes seemed to be permanently etched into his handsome, regal features.

Gently she moved her knuckles across his cheek and his eyes fluttered open at her touch. His gaze locked onto hers and she found herself shivering – it felt like he was staring right through her.

“What did you want, Goddess?” he whispered, pulling the covers up to his chin.

Jaina shrugged, fidgeting around with the sleeve of her jacket. Almost absent mindedly she tossed her hair across her shoulder and heaved a sigh, “I guess I just didn’t want to be alone.”

She smiled weakly, “I’m sorry, Kyp. It’s late. I shouldn’t have come.” She was halfway off the bed when Kyp suddenly grabbed her wrist and sat up.
“What’s wrong?”

He pulled her back down and she was grateful that he didn’t want her to leave. She felt odd. She felt lost somehow, alone even though the world was full with people, even though her friends and family would always be there for her no matter what.
She felt lost.

“I needed someone to talk to. I needed a friend.” She heaved a sigh, “But you need to sleep. You look horrible, by the way.”
Kyp chuckled and sat up straight, “Me? Horrible? Never! I’m as handsome as ever.”
She laughed at his playful tone and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Nervousness crept up her spine suddenly – that’s when she realized she was alone with Kyp, sitting in his bed and he was only halfway clothed.

Her cheeks flamed a bright red and she was glad he couldn’t decipher the color while sitting in semi darkness with her.
“I’ll come back later, if that’s alright.” Her voice was low and she really felt the damndest urge to leave. She didn’t trust herself around the older, very male Jedi at that moment.

He completely surprised her when he pulled her into a warm embrace, placing a small kiss on her forehead. His fingers trailed up and down her spine in a gentle motion and she felt her skin prickle.

“Whatever you need, whenever you need – I’ll be here for you Jaina.” His whispered words broke something within her and she found herself clinging to him, her nails biting into the warm, soft flesh of his shoulders.

“Thank you.” She whispered forcing herself to pull back and when she did their gazes locked; a sudden spark passed between them and she was fully aware of his presence – of his near naked presence at that. She felt his warm breath on her skin, watched his dark eyes flick back and forth. His lips were curved into a slight smile and her hands began to tremble.

“I…” she was at a loss for words; Kyp was like a magnet, pulling her towards him, her eyes chocolate brown eyes never once leaving his dark green gaze. There had been many times in which she’d imagine Kyp as her partner but she’d always pushed him away – over and over again she would watch him step back, not wanting to crowd her but she had felt a sparks of hurt through the Force.

And so they’d settled on friendship. But Jaina wasn’t interested in friendship at that moment. She wanted Kyp the way a woman wanted a man. She didn’t want to bind him; she wanted to feel for a little while, she wanted to forget – she wanted to be the woman she hoped Kyp saw in her.
She reached out to trail a finger down his stubbly cheek, moving along towards his chin. He closed his eyes and let out a dark, husky breath when her thumb touched his lower lip and she thought she felt him tremble.

“Jaina.” He grabbed her wrist in a light grasp and swallowed, “Be sure you know what you’re doing. Because I won’t back off.”
Jaina arched a brow and smiled at him, the corners of her mouth twisting upward seductively, “I know exactly what I’m doing.” She whispered leaning forward to capture his lower lip with her teeth. Sitting up straight she wriggled her wrist from his grasp and gave him a questioning glance, a sudden silent doubt in the back of her mind.
They were friends. She didn’t want to lose his friendship and she couldn’t help but wonder if one night with her object of desire would ruin everything they’d built up together?

Common sense didn’t want to snap to attention and she found herself kissing a trail along the line of his jaw, going lower until she could nibble at his neck. He bent his head upward in silent invitation for her to go on.

Kyp kicked the covers off his athletic form and Jaina swung her leg over his hip, straddling him as she kissed her way up towards his ear. He propped himself onto both his hands and he felt her weight lean into him; he closed his eyes, not even trying to fight back a moan of pleasure to finally have Jaina this close after so many years of wanting her.

He wanted to kiss her, the urge growing stronger when she sat up, laying her arms onto his shoulders. She licked her lips slowly and he watched with intimate need he hadn’t felt in a very long time.

Reaching up, he thrust a hand into her dark hair, pulling her down towards his mouth. When he touched her lips with his, a deep groan emanated from his throat and the need for her suddenly sparked.

He flipped her onto her back, not once breaking the kiss as he used one hand to run down the side of her body. Her moan reverberated through him but she frowned suddenly when he stopped moving, his hands laying next to her shoulders as he withdrew from the kiss, staring down at her.

“This won’t work.” He whispered, his voice darker than usual and she shivered at the mere thought of his voice near her ear while they were together.
She felt a blush surface and she cleared her throat, trying to find a way to get out of Kyp’s hold. “I’m sorry, Kyp. I shouldn’t have come.” She tried pushing him away but he wouldn’t budge and then she noticed his smile spreading into a wide grin.

“That’s not what I meant, Goddess.” He leaned forward, nuzzling her cheek with his nose, “You’re still fully clothed.”
Jaina laughed, digging her hands into his soft, wavy hair. Their lips met for another ferocious kiss and she trembled at the single thought of what was to come. Something told her Kyp would not disappoint…

…

…

…

Kyp awoke with a fuzzy headache and groaned when he opened his eyes. He’d forgotten to shut the blinds and the sun wasn’t very kind to him. He pulled the covers over his head and rolled onto his side, not in the least interested to already start the day. But he did take a quick peek at the chrono and his eyebrow shot up. It was mid afternoon already.

He sighed and shoved the covers down to his hips a frown suddenly creasing his forehead.

“Oh. Force.” He croaked as he remembered the night before. Jaina had come to see him and she’d stayed. Hadn’t she? She wouldn’t have left without saying good-bye…

He ran a hand across his face and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Had he really only been dreaming?

He got up and took a look around his bedroom, looking for clothes that he remembered had been carelessly tossed aside. When he gazed down at himself he realized he was still wearing the pants to his Jedi robes. He remembered being too tired to completely undress himself…

His frown deepening he hurried into the living area, halfway expecting Jaina to greet him with a beaming smile. But his apartment was completely empty. She wasn’t in the living area, she wasn’t in the fresher and the small kitchen was empty as well.

Kyp rubbed his eyes and groaned, shaking his head. He was confused – he was very, very, very confused.

“A dream?” he muttered aloud. He’d never dreamt so many details before. He could have sworn he still felt her touch, still felt her breath on his skin.
He tried clearing his mind of her image and decided to give her a call instead of giving himself a headache if she’d actually come to see him or not.

Retrieving his comlink from the sofa, he switched it on – not surprised to have several messages, which he blatantly ignored – punching in Jaina’s frequency.
“You’re late, Kyp.” She said when she picked up, not even granting him a “good morning”. Which was obvious because it wasn’t morning anymore.
“Late for what?” he asked, honestly not knowing what it was she was referring to.

“Council meeting. Something came up. We left you at least five messages.”

“I…uh…I had a late night.”
She snorted, “I’ll bet. Partying all night, Durron?”

“Not really.” He gave the com link a petrified look, holding it away from him as if it had suddenly sprouted thorns.
“Well then hurry up.”

She cut the connection and Kyp closed his eyes for a moment. So it had just been a dream?
“Crap.” He muttered while heading to the fresher, absolutely not looking forward to the coming day and having to look Jaina in the eye and be reminded of the dream over and over again.

Nope, not looking forward to it at all.

The Lost Bet

Two very large humanoids stood guard in front of the entrance to the notorious tapcaf Odyssey. Situated in the most ominous parts of the lower levels of Coruscant, the guests venturing in and out of the club were, among other things, the most feared, the most hated or the wealthiest of the planet.

Therefore, the Jedi and their friend sitting in the back within the shadows fit in perfectly.

Jedi Master Corran Horn leaned back in his chair and stretched his legs. He had his arms folded, holding a small glass filled with Corellian ale in his hand and precariously balancing it on his chest. The expression on his face was one of boredom as he swept the bar with hooded eyes. Odyssey was packed with various beings, ranging from Humans to Twi’lek, from Rodians to Deveronians and Corran was sure he had seen an Ewok running around the place when he had arrived.

He dismissed the thought before his mind wandered to the question as to why an Ewok would want to be in an establishment such as this…

Next to Corran sat Jedi Knight Zekk. Green eyes took in the surroundings but always halting on the stage to their right. Three beautiful women danced their way up and down a pole, swaying their hips seductively, wearing not much more than skimpy bathing suits and stilettos. Zekk’s smile spread into a smirk as one of the women crooked a finger at him, gesturing for him to join her.

He did not, of course. However, going by the look on his face, he would have gladly obliged.

Jagged Fel slumped in his chair, nursing his nearly empty glass. It was obvious the young man was bored and no doubt, his thoughts contained only Jaina Solo.

Nevertheless, this was a guys’ night out and Jag had sworn not to mention his woman for the entire evening. As his companions did, he scanned the area, rather surprised that he had agreed on coming here in the first place. It was a very different sort of establishment, a place he would normally avoid.

“Why are we here again?” he asked in a low voice, raising his dark brows as he caught sight of a couple “having fun” in the far corner of the club.

“Because Kyp lost a bet.” Corran said, downing his drink.

Kyp Durron scowled at the older man, “I did not lose the bet.”

“Yes you did!” Corran sat up and laughed, “You lost. Moreover, Jag and Zekk were there to see you lose. So now, you pay up. You’re not backing out are you?”
Kyp snorted, “I don’t back out of anything, Horn.”

“Good.” Corran turned around halfway and gestured for the waitress to bring him yet another ale. Corran, at least, seemed to be having a good time. Almost gleefully, he waited for Kyp to set foot on that stage and give it his best. “At least it’s up to you. I’m sure the ladies would love to see you strip.”

Zekk laughed and Jag chuckled, “You should be glad the media doesn’t come out this far, Kyp. It’ll be fun.”

“I’ll trade you.” Kyp said, giving Jag a side long-glance.

Jag shook his head, “You go on. I wouldn’t want to steal your show.”

The waitress walked towards their table, leaning forward to set another full glass of ale in front of Corran. There was no avoiding the looks her cleavage attracted and she smiled sweetly, “Anything else I can get you boys?”

Corran nodded once and she leaned even lower so he could whisper in her ear. Kyp watched as her hand snaked around his neck and he wondered what Mirax would do if she ever found out about the waitress touching her husband.

The waitress straightened up and shifted her gaze towards Kyp instead. The Jedi Master felt suddenly very…naked. It seemed like she was undressing him in her mind and Kyp felt unnerved by it. Not that she was not attractive – long legs met with curvy hips and she had a very feminine body – but still she was not exactly his type.

“So you’re up next, huh?” she asked as she came closer, again leaning forward so Kyp could hear her better, “Follow me to the back, hon.”

Her words held a definite double meaning but Kyp swallowed a retort and instead glared at Corran, “I will get you for this, Horn.”

Corran laughed, “Looking forward to it, Kyp. Now go. Your fans are waiting.” He rested his elbows on the table and laid his head onto his folded hands, smiling sweetly.

The waitress grabbed Kyp’s elbow and pulled him through a barely visible door. He found himself in a long, dim lit hallway leading to a large dressing room. As the waitress opened the door, Kyp stopped and cleared his throat, averting his gaze.
The dancers from the stage stood in various stages of undress, smiling at him with twinkling eyes. The waitress pulled him further into the dressing room until they walked through yet another door to an adjoining room with racks hanging full with clothing.

“We need to get you something different to wear.” She said, wiping her hands on her very short mini skirt before skimming through the clothes on hangers, “My name’s Nevin, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, Nevin.” In the light of the dressing room, Kyp had to admit she was a beautiful woman. Still something about her bothered him but he couldn’t pinpoint it.

“Here.” She thrust a small pile of clothes into his arms and smiled up at him, “These should fit. I’m pretty sure I got your size right.” She eyed him from head to toe, taking a step to the side to take a long look at his derriere, “I hope the pants are too tight.”

Kyp gave her an arched look but didn’t comment.

“Oh and be sure to open your hair.” Nevin shook her head and stepped closer, “Or better yet, let me do it.” She reached up, resting her arms on his shoulders as her fingers gently opened the leather thong with which Kyp always bound his dark hair together. Nevin took her time with the Jedi, her smile alluring.

When his hair touched his shoulders, she stepped back holding the leather band in her hand, twirling it around her finger. “So much better.” She sighed, “My, my, you are one handsome man. The girls are going to go crazy when they see you on stage.”
Kyp sighed and cursed Corran.

“Well, go on then. Get dressed.”

He chuckled, despite his ever-growing foul mood, “How about you leave first?”
“Oh come on! Just a peak?”

“No peak.”

Nevin sighed melodramatically and shrugged, “Fine. I’ll be waiting outside.” She walked passed him but turned around once more to take in his lean body. She smacked her lips before she left him alone to get ready for the most embarrassing show of his life.

He was certain of it.

*********

The lights around the club dimmed and the dancers suddenly bolted off the stage. Corran turned his gaze upward and felt a laugh surface. He was thankful it was Kyp who would be doing whatever he chose to do to fulfill his part of the bargain.
“You think he’ll mess up, don’t you?” Zekk asked, leaning closer.

Corran shrugged, “Maybe.”

Jag snorted, “In the few years I’ve known Kyp, I’ve realized not to underestimate him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually pulls this off.”

“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.” Corran said, grasping his glass in his hand and nipping at it. Within the past few minutes, more people had ventured into the club, crowding near the entrance. It seemed the place was packed, almost bursting from its seams.

It was suddenly completely dark as the lights were shut off and for only a few seconds the place was eerily quiet. Soft music started and when the lights shone back onto the stage, Kyp stood leaning against the pole the women had previously danced around. His hair was open, hanging to his shoulders in dark wavy curls and instead of his casual earth-colored attire, he now wore tight fitting black pants and a long-sleeved silky black shirt.

He seemed so elegant as he stood there, smirking down at his friends who gaped at him in shock. As the music grew louder, Kyp lifted a mic to his lips and began singing in a dark, deep and very sensual voice.

The club grew quiet yet again as they watched the Jedi Master on stage, listening as he sang a song that – little did they know – fit him perfectly. He moved away from the pole in agonizingly slow steps and a wide smile spread on his face at the shocked expressions on his friends’ faces.

“Holy hell.” Zekk whispered.

“I told you so!” Jag laughed triumphantly, the ale already fuzzing up his mind.
Corran was speechless. Kyp could sing – something no one had suspected. This whole escapade had been to embarrass the Jedi Knight for being cocky, stuck up and arrogant but it seemed this would only make his ego grow even more unbearable.

Corran groaned and shook his head. Even he had to admit it sounded good and Kyp made a good figure on stage.

However, what caught him completely off guard were the women suddenly standing up and moving towards the front of the stage. They cheered, clapped, and whistled.

“Hey look at that. He already has a fan club.” Zekk said with a laugh, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he watched Kyp crouch down and pull one of the ladies onto the stage. She stood before him, swaying her hips in tune with music, laughing as Kyp pulled her closer by encircling her waist with his arm.

He danced with her, not once missing a note as he sang on; the woman smiled seductively, her fingers trailing up his chest and opening the first few buttons of his shirt. Kyp didn’t seem to mind – on the contrary. His smile brightened and he pulled her closer. For a moment, it seemed he sang only for her, moving their bodies to the rhythm of the song.

“How come he gets the girl?” Zekk asked in a whiny voice.

“Then go up there and join him and you might get a girl, too.” Corran answered, shaking his head.

“I can’t sing.”

Kyp let go of the woman as the song slowly ended and she jumped from the stage, blowing him a kiss. Kyp winked at her, smiled and was utterly surprised as something pink suddenly hit the stage.

He laughed instead of concentrating on the song as he realized one of the women had thrown up her bra.

Zekk gaped in horror, “I need to learn how to sing!”

Jag laughed at him and Corran shook his head. “You are desperate, aren’t you Zekk?”
The music cut off and the club was bathed in darkness once more. The women yelled and screamed for an encore and to Corran’s surprise, Kyp actually gave one.

He shook his head and laughed – Kyp definitely never backed down. The younger Jedi stood on stage almost an entire hour before he returned to their table with a beaming smile on his face. Talking was not an option, since his newfound fans started asking questions all at the same time. A few of them were even interested in Zekk, which made him grin boyishly.

Jag conversed politely but kept his hands to himself and Corran did the same. But after what seemed like hours, Corran got to his feet and excused himself.

Surprisingly so did Jag and since Zekk didn’t feel like staying behind alone, he decided to accompany his friends back home.

“You coming?” Corran asked Kyp, who laughed at something one of the women had said. She sat on his lap, one arm laid across his shoulder.

“I think I’ll be staying a while longer.”

Corran rolled his eyes and headed towards the exit.

“Hey, Horn.” He turned and arched a brow, “You’re up next, remember that.”

Corran waved the remark away as he turned around with a smile. Yes, Kyp never backed down from a challenge.

Watch Over You

Green, yellow and dark red leaves scattered around the dark earth about his feet. With every step he took, the leaves would swirl around in the cold air, a tumble of magnificent colors. His green gaze swept the darkening sky – it seemed a storm was coming, turning the once beautiful blue into a dull grey.

The wind around him picked up, carrying along the sultry scent of moss and dampness. Strands of his too long hair swept across his forehead, as he glanced over his shoulder. She stood there unmoving with her arms wrapped around herself, dark eyes staring at the ground. He could almost sense her sadness, her confusion but there was nothing he could do to help her. He’d already tried his damndest but in the end he’d failed.

“How much time do we have, Jag?” she had asked him in a shaky voice, reaching for him but he’d stepped away.

“Not nearly enough.”
Those had been his last words before he’d turned his back on her and stalked away.

Leaves are on the ground
Fall has come
Blue skies turning grey
Like my love

Throughout the years Jag had made sure he’d always be there for Jaina. During the Yuuzhan Vong war he’d stayed at her side, no matter what happened. He’d even forgiven her for leaving him stranded on Tenupe because he loved her so. And that’s what lovers do, isn’t it? They forgive and they forget. And they help heal as best they can – lovers were there for one another. Although he’d never really been certain if they had indeed been lovers.

After her brother’s fall to the dark side, Jag had been there for her – helping her through the worst time of her life. At the time all he’d wanted was her friendship, to have a place in her life but she hadn’t even been able to give him that.

So he’d made the most painful choice in his life and he’d decided to leave. To leave her – to leave the love of his life.

I tried to carry you
And make you whole
But it was never enough
I must go

It hurt so see her like this but it hurt even more to not to be able to help her. She kept closing herself up, shutting him out when things turned from bad to worse.
Jag worried for her. If he left, there wouldn’t be anyone else for her to turn to. The relationship between Jaina and her parents was strained, she hardly ever talked to Master Skywalker anymore and the one person she had always turned to – she had to kill him.

The shell that was her body was still intact but she was breaking on the inside. She wouldn’t let him help her and so he would leave. He couldn’t bear to watch her slowly destroy herself. With a sigh and sadness forever imprinted in his eyes, he turned around and walked back towards his ship.


Who is gonna save you
When I’m gone?
And who’ll watch over you
When I’m gone?

And when I’m gone
Who will break your fall?
Who will you blame?

When the sound of his booted feet crunching on the grass returned, Jaina looked up and almost called out his name. She swallowed the lump in her throat and let silent tears trail down her cheeks. She was losing him.

Jaina shook her head at the single thought. She wasn’t losing him – she’d lost him already.

She felt like someone was choking her as she watched his black clad form walk away. She wanted him to turn around and come back, she wanted to feel his soft lips on hers – she wanted him to be hers forever.

But she couldn’t be the person he wanted her to be. The old Jaina he’d met so many years ago had died the same day Jacen had been killed. The old Jaina would never return and the new Jaina? Never again did she want to see the pain in Jag’s eyes, feel his uncertainty around her. She wanted him to be happy, she didn’t want to hurt him anymore.

I can’t go on
And let you lose it all
It’s more than I can take
Who’ll ease your pain?

She drew confidence in the fact that he’d be better off without her. He wouldn’t have to worry anymore and she knew he worried. It was written all over his face when he’d ask her if everything was alright. But she couldn’t answer because she didn’t know. Life seemed too complicated to give a decent answer to the question if everything was alright.

Jag would do alright without her. She was positive. But would she do alright without him?

**********

Days, weeks and months passed by and Jaina had given up hope ever seeing Jag again. Unless she’d have the courage to apologize for being so closed up all the time. But she couldn’t. There was still the inner voice telling she wasn’t ready yet. How could she love someone and not herself? She still cared for him so much it hurt to think about it – and she’d never really shown him how much she felt for him.

She lifted her head to the sky, small flakes of snow settling on her warm skin, melting into a tiny drop of clear water. The air around her was cold, her breath puffy little balls of white as she drew her dark brown robe around herself.
“Jag.” She whispered, tears stinging her eyes, “Come back to me.”

Snow is on the ground
Winters come
You long to hear my voice
But I’m long gone

Little Wonders

He heard the other kids laughing at him again. He’d fallen and scraped his knee while doing the exercise Master Zekk had assigned. And it was an easy assignment! A simple course to resolve without using the Force.

But the boy had failed again and the other children were still laughing at him. He kept falling even when they were allowed to draw on the Force.

The boy hung his head and tried holding back tears. Did the other kids even know how much it hurt when they kept laughing at him? When they kept talking behind his back?
He knew he was clumsy but he didn’t want to be reminded of it over and over again.

With anger buried beneath his heart, he headed out of the gym, stomping his short legs as he went. The lesson wasn’t over yet but he didn’t care. If he’d stayed and listened to the other children whisper, he knew he would start to cry. And then the whispering would get even worse.

The outside air was cool and moist, tickling the scrape at his knee. He bent down to examine the small wound and was happy to see that it was hardly bleeding. It would be another scar but that was okay. Scars made him remember that he was training to be a Jedi. And even though he was a clumsy child, deep within he hoped that he would make a great Jedi like Master Zekk.

The boy sat down on a large boulder, bringing his small legs to his chest. He pulled his knees closer and sighed as he watched beautiful white clouds pass by overhead. He listened to wildlife around the jungle; there were birds chirping and insects singing in the grass. He felt the trees and the flowers as they grew, he felt smaller animals scurrying beneath the earth.

He was strong in the Force, even old Grand Master Skywalker had said so, but still he was clumsy and kept falling.

There was a rustling from behind and the boy thought one of the other kids had followed him. He hoped not. He wasn’t in the mood for a stupid argument and he knew he’d try to hit the person who dared make an unwanted remark.

But as the boy turned he was very surprised to see Master Zekk standing behind him. The tall Jedi was an imposing figure. His silver streaked black hair was braided into a ponytail hanging down his back, his green eyes almost glowing in the dim light of the day. And he didn’t look happy at all.

“Eedrah, what are you doing out here?” he asked as he came closer, kneeling beside the boy to get a better look at him.

Eedrah tried to hide his tears, tried looking away from the Master. He felt embarrassed. He shouldn’t be crying like a little girl! He was supposed to become a Jedi Knight and Jedi Knights never cried!

“I hurt myself.” He said in a low voice, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his small robe, “They were making fun of me again.”

Master Zekk sighed as he straightened back to his full height, “Come on.” He said, reaching out his large hand for the boy to grasp, “Let’s go for a walk.”

Eedrah kept quiet as he walked along side the Jedi Master. He’d never really talked to Master Zekk before. He kept his gaze to the ground, taking notice of small pebbles and green growths along the way. The breeze around them picked up, rustling his short blond hair.

“You shouldn’t have just left, Eedrah.” Master Zekk suddenly said and although his words were chastising, his voice was very soft.

Eedrah wiped at his eyes again and nodded, “I’m sorry, Master Zekk.” He sniffled and clasped his small hands behind his back. He felt like a baby crying in front of the Master. Why couldn’t he just be like the other kids and be tough?

Master Zekk halted his steps and gazed down at Eedrah, the faintest trace of a smile on his face, “Are you alright?”

The question surprised the boy completely. He shrugged and nodded curtly, not wanting to seem weaker than he already felt. If the children already made fun of Eedrah for failing, what would Master Zekk think now that he’d seen him cry?

“Eedrah.” Master Zekk knelt before the young one and laid a large hand on Eedrah’s shoulder, “You needn’t be ashamed.” He sighed and crouched before the boy, “Tell me what happened.”

Eedrah sighed and shifted his blue gaze to the ground beneath his feet. He began to tell Master Zekk that the other children used every opportunity to make fun of him. Sometimes when he was good at certain things and when he was really, really proud of himself they would still find something to make him feel like a failure.

He sniffled again, “Why do they do that, Master Zekk? It’s mean.”
“I know, Eedrah.” Master Zekk smiled, “Some people are cruel but you must try to be above them.”

Eedrah wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his robe, “That’s what my Mom always says, too. That people fail, even the children who tease me. But I’m tired of always being last. I don’t want to fail anymore, Master Zekk.”

Master Zekk chuckled at this and Eedrah turned his attention to the older man. This wasn’t really a laughing matter and it irritated Eedrah that Master Zekk thought it was funny.

“I don’t think it’s funny.” The Jedi Master said, as if he had read Eedrah’s mind, “No one wants to fail, Eedrah. No one. But failure is a lesson each and every one of us must learn. Without failure you wouldn’t be able to appreciate success.”
Eedrah forced himself to look at the Jedi Master; he wasn’t convinced.

“Have you ever failed, Master Zekk?”

He sighed heavily and nodded once, his dark green eyes suddenly showing the tiniest bit of sadness. “Of course, Eedrah. I have failed and I have made mistakes.”
“But you’re a Jedi Master. Master’s don’t make mistakes.” Eedrah’s voice was laden with childish naiveté.

“Eedrah, I was once young like you are now. And the young tend to make mistakes in order to grow.” He huffed out a breath of air and shifted his gaze to the sky, “I was a frustrated child, Eedrah. I thought of myself to be worthless and when I met a few of my friends and got to see their lives up close, the feeling intensified and I became angry.”

Eedrah listened, captured by the Masters’ words, “After various events I finally met up with a man who promised me a better life. And I believed him because I had nothing left to lose.” Master Zekk sighed heavily, “I turned to the Dark Side of the Force, Eedrah. Although only for a short time that was one of my biggest mistakes.”

Eedrah’s eyes had widened considerably and he stared in shock. Master Zekk had gone to the Dark Side? The one Master he looked up to over all others had been a Dark Jedi? The boy could hardly believe it.

Master Zekk noted the boys’ reaction and let a mirthless smile cross his face, “So you see Eedrah, no one is safe from failure or mistakes. It is the way of life.”
Eedrah nodded slowly but said nothing more. It seemed he had trouble accepting that even the greatest of beings were not infallible.

“But you shouldn’t dwell on your mistakes, Eedrah. I wouldn’t be the man I am today if I kept questioning my actions instead of looking into the future.”

Eedrah looked aside and watched a colorful bird perched atop a small stone, chirping happily. He couldn’t help but wonder if animals had a sense of good and wrong, of failures and mistakes.

“How did you come back, Master Zekk?” he asked in a small voice.
“My friends helped me.”

Eedrah nodded and forced himself to look at the Jedi Master. He wondered if the Master had told any of the other children about his fall to the Dark Side. Eedrah was sure the other Masters knew.

“It really doesn’t matter, does it?” Eedrah suddenly asked, “It’s who you are today that’s important, isn’t it?”

Master Zekk smiled and nodded, “Exactly.”

Eedrah crossed his small arms over his chest and exhaled loudly, “I understand that everyone makes mistakes and all but – I want the other kids to stop teasing me, Master Zekk.”

Zekk got to his feet then and nodded, “I’ll tell you what; I’ll help you practice with the exercises after the lessons. I’m certain you’ll do better.”
Private lessons with Master Zekk? Eedrah smiled with elation, “Thank you, Master Zekk.” It took all his self control not to jump around in joy and hug the older man, “It would mean a lot to me.”

“All right. Now hurry back inside. The lesson isn’t over yet.”

Eedrah bowed slightly and turned on his heel, running back the way he’d walked with Master Zekk. He felt a lot better when he entered the gym and he ignored the stares the other children were giving him. He’d do better next time; he was certain of it.



Zekk watched the young boy as he ran down the path. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and smiled to himself. The mind of a child is truly a wondrous thing, he thought as he turned around and headed the opposite direction. He’d left one of the Jedi Knights in charge of the younglings as he’d headed out to see what was wrong with Eedrah. The boy had promising Force abilities and Zekk was certain he’d someday become a powerful Jedi Knight.

There was a sudden tingling at the nape of his neck and Zekk stopped, tilting his head to the side as he closed his eyes. He smiled then and drew in a breath, “I was wondering when you’d return.”

“You did well with the boy.”

Zekk eyed the shimmering blue form of his childhood friend, his heart aching that he could no longer hold her, “You were eaves-dropping?”

Jaina laughed, “Guilty as charged.”

“Why are you here?”

Jaina sighed and the smile on her face vanished, “I came to say good-bye, Zekk.”
Zekk cringed at the thought of losing her a second time. But he had known the time would come but he wasn’t ready for it. He didn’t believe he’d ever be ready for it. His heart pounded beneath his chest as Jaina smiled and he had to ask himself where the two of them would be, had she not died – had she listened to him and let her stubbornness be.

She stepped closer and raised a translucent arm. He could barely feel her touch but his hair stood on end and he closed his eyes, “I miss you, Jaina.”

A single tear pearled down Jaina’s shimmering cheek, “And I miss you, Zekk.” She let her hand drop and stepped back, “I know we’ll see each other again. In time.”

Zekk nodded and watched his love dissipate with a warm, swirling gust of wind. He took a shuddering breath as he realized she wouldn’t visit him any more. He was now truly alone, “I love you, Jaina.”

For a moment he thought he’d felt her touch on his cheek but he couldn’t have been sure. The feeling was gone almost immediately. But he hoped it was her answer; he hoped that after all these years, after all their ups and downs, Jaina still felt for him as in the beginning of their adventurous relationship.

“I love you.” He whispered again before slowly returning to the gym with a heavy heart. After all, he still had a lesson to teach.

I Shall Never Surrender

A single small lamp was the only illumination within the large room, casting shadows along the dark red walls. Holo images of a world long forgotten lined the room, showing beautiful beaches and clear blue water, waves crashing against the shore and a magnificent moon lighting up the scenery.

The man sitting behind his desk saw these images every day but at long end he’d simply forgotten – forgotten his home, forgotten his life.

Kyp Durron smiled slightly. In his hands, he held a portable holo receiver and he cocked his head to the side when he recognized the person skulking about the premises.

“You’re certain she’s here?”

The tall man standing before him gave a curt nod, “Yes, Mylord.”

Kyp pursed his lips while pushing away from the desk and getting to his feet. He walked a few steps towards the tall, oval windows from which he could look out to a vast, green landscape surrounding his home. During the day when the sun shone to light up his personal garden, he would watch as the smallest of animal life dwelled amongst the beautiful high trees and colorful flowers growing around a crystal fountain.

He felt the purest of innocent life even now in the darkness.

Slowly Kyp ran a thumb across his chin, all the while feeling the other man’s sinister glare on his back. At times Kyp had asked himself if it had been wise to recruit Cain as a protector. Cain was a perfect fighter, eliminating his enemies only in close combat.

Cain stood with his hands clasped behind his back and Kyp knew he was wearing his weapon of choice. Silver claws attached to his right hand, the tips elongated and curved and as Kyp had witnessed often, a very deadly weapon.

“Should we intercept –“

Kyp held up a hand and Cain knew better than to talk further. “I’ll take care of it myself.”

He turned around and arched a dark brow wondering if Cain would reply. The younger man disliked it when Kyp ventured out alone – Cain was his protector and protect he would unless Kyp said otherwise.

Nevertheless, Cain held his peace, knowing it would do him no good to argue.
“As you wish, Mylord.” Cain said in a low tone. He bowed, locks of golden hair falling over his broad shoulders. Kyp watched as the younger man turned on his heel and left, the soft golden light of the lamp reflecting off his black armor.

Kyp sighed as he returned his gaze back to the gardens but then he smiled – he was very much looking forward to this next confrontation.


Jaina ducked behind a large, stonewall that rounded the compound Durron had erected as his new home. She shook her head at the thought, letting her backpack fall to the grassy ground with a slight thud.

Her gaze wandered upward while her fingers fumbled with the release of the pack. Recognizing a blue laser wire of sorts, she knew there was no way she would be able to jump over the wall without serious burns.

She blew out a breath to calm her rapidly beating heart. It had taken her years to summon up the courage to face Durron and now that she was so close, she was having second thoughts.

Remember what he did. Do not back down. You have nothing more to lose.
Closing her eyes for just a moment, she tried calling on the Force but even such a simple task seemed to be too difficult – her nerves were going haywire.

Ignoring her doubts, she thrust her hand into the backpack and extracted a small circular object. She attached it to the stonewall and punched a single button. There was an audible hum, and then a slight crackle. When she looked upwards towards the blue wire, a large part of it had vanished.

Inwardly she thanked Ghent for this little new toy.

She felt no presences anywhere near her entry point and without a further thought, she slung the pack over her shoulder and propelled herself upward by using what little Force energy she could muster and landed on the other side almost silently. Her boots touched soft, green grass and when she looked over the scene, she was honestly surprised.

To her Durron was a vile and evil person and it astonished her that the area around the huge mansion was so well tended and beautiful. Even through the darkness, she could see large trees that were not native to the planet; plants and bushes surrounding the stone wall she had just jumped over and there was even a small pond, the water reflecting the pale white moonlight.

Jaina took another deep breath and directed her dark gaze to the entrance of the compound. There were no guards and she then knew Durron had already detected her presence, no doubt already expecting her. A flight of marble stairs led into a long and grand corridor, lit by soft lights from the ceiling.

“This is your last chance to turn back.” She whispered to herself, one hand grabbing at the strap of her backpack.

However, she would not turn back. Not after what Durron had done to her – to her family. Moreover, she needed answers.

She was certain that one of them would die tonight. It was a feeling deep down inside of her – there would definitely be death to pay.

Taking another quivering breath, she set one foot on the first step leading into the corridor, the first step towards a very uncertain future.



Many years ago, Cain had painfully learned that it was unwise to disobey direct orders but tonight he did not care. He was not Force sensitive and he did not much care for the Jedi sorcery but as did the Jedi, Cain relied on his instincts and gut feelings. In addition, something was telling him to be near his Master tonight.
It was his mandate to protect, no matter the consequences. He would take the punishment without flinching; he would not turn his back when there was danger marching up the front steps of the mansion.

Cain watched from a balcony above, his brow furrowed. She seemed so small and fragile compared to the Master but he knew looks could deceive. The woman carried anger in her heart, that much was obvious and this anger – even hatred – was directed at Master Durron.

“Make sure she finds her way to the atrium.” His dark voice was low as he spoke, almost a whisper. The two men under his command nodded briefly before turning on their heels and leaving him alone to ponder on the woman’s sudden arrival.



The lights above her were cut off and she stopped. Standing amidst total darkness and complete quietness, she felt unsure what to do next. There was no doubt in her mind that Durron knew she’d come; she could almost feel his dark presence, she could almost feel amusement emanating from him that she’d conjured up the courage to face him.

Jaina swallowed a lump forming in her throat and briefly closed her eyes. She let thoughts of her father cross her mind; the typical roguish grin he had been famous for on his face and his dark eyes alight with mischief. Thankfully, her last memory of him was a happy one. He had been working on the Falcon, his face smeared with dark oil, his hair standing on end but he had been laughing and he had been smiling.

Then he had vanished. Jaina did not know if he was dead – she could not feel him the way she used to – or if he was still alive somewhere but she knew Durron had something to do with his disappearance. Han had wanted to talk to Kyp – father to son in a way – and Han had never returned.

Jaina took slow breaths to hold her tears at bay. First Anakin had died, after the war Jacen had just left, and no one had heard from him since. Now Han had disappeared. And Luke…

Jaina swallowed again and thought about her mother. Leia was devastated, having lost her family in such a short time. She hardly talked anymore, seemingly trapped in her own mind, not wanting to break free.

The woman Jaina had known as her mother was no more.

She opened her eyes and noticed a light source from somewhere further down the corridor. Taking one slow step at a time she recognized a large, intricately carved door ajar. Reaching out with her senses she made sure there was no one waiting for her as she passed through.

Another corridor, with gleaming, dark brown pillars lining the walkway, led into a large room that was encompassed by glass. She looked up into a clear black sky, twinkling stars and a bright, white moon. All along the open room, the same shiny pillars lined the walls, similar to the corridor behind her. She felt a light breeze touch her skin and she shivered – not from the cold but from the distinct feeling that someone was watching her.

“Have you come to kill me?”

Jaina snapped her head around, taking a few steps back. Kyp stood behind her, his hands stashed in the pockets of his slacks, a small yet wicked smile on his handsome features. His long hair was held together in a braid, lying over his shoulder and the look in his black eyes was almost feral.

She swallowed and held her back rigid, “I sure as hell didn’t come here to talk.” Slowly Jaina moved her hand towards the hilt of her lightsaber, snapping it off her belt and thumbing the blade to life.

Kyp closed his eyes and sighed melodramatically, taking a few steps towards her, “Are you sure about this, little girl? It would be a shame for you to get hurt. Or worse.”

Jaina let out a bitter laugh, “It’s not me who’s going to get hurt.”
The time has come and so have I…

For mere seconds Jaina stood still, gathering the Force around herself. Enveloping herself within its warm veil to give her the strength she needed to fulfill her mission. She jumped up, flipping over Kyp’s tall form as he came towards her, slashing her bluish blade downward to strike at his head.

But to her surprise, Kyp had summoned his blade from within the shadows and he blocked her attack with efficiency she had almost forgotten. The amethyst and blue blades clashed in a crackle of white light; Jaina recoiled inwardly as she got a closer look at the man’s dark eyes, remembering a time when the two of them had been friends, a time when she had almost felt more than friendship for her opponent.

He laughed at her, a deep ugly sound from the back of his throat, “Jaina, sweetheart, give it up. You’ll only get yourself hurt.”

His condescending tone angered her to the point that she could almost feel her blood boil. She lurched forward with a growl, slashing her blade sideways while pivoting to the right. Kyp kept blocking her every move not once moving to attack and she realized he was playing with her.

“I don’t know you anymore.” Jaina hissed between her teeth as he pushed her backwards with his saber – too easily.

Kyp did not answer but kept a patronizing smile in place. She felt so small in his presence, a feeling she did not want to deal with at that moment.

These few seconds of thoughts had made her lose her guard and she suddenly found herself flung halfway across the room, pinned against the wall with a painful crunch. Her lightsaber fell from her hand and she bit back a vile curse, instead staring at Kyp, who came towards her in a slow, arrogant gait. He switched off his lightsaber, clipping it to his belt.

“They shouldn’t have sent you.”

“No one sent me.” Jaina hissed between her teeth, trying her best to wriggle free of Kyp’s invisible hold. She was surprised he had grown so powerful over the years – being who she was she was a fair fighter and Force user but it seemed all her training failed her now.

Suddenly Kyp barked out a laugh, “How cute, Jaina. Have you come to avenge your uncle’s death?” He sighed and shook his head, coming closer, too close for Jaina’s taste, “You really shouldn’t have come. But I think Luke would be honored that you tried.”

I’ll laugh last cause you came to die…

Trying her best to clamp down on her rising anger, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes for just a moment. Pictures of her family, of her friendship with Kyp resurfaced and the sadness of all the change rushed into her with such a force that it made her shiver.

When she heard Kyp’s dark laugh, she opened her eyes and spat at him.

Almost leisurely Kyp reached up and wiped the spittle away with a finger, “Feisty, just the way I remember. I love a little fire in a woman.” Only inches away from her face, she felt his warm breath on her cheek and she squirmed beneath his Force hold.
“Do you want me to let you go, sweetheart?” he whispered , feigning innocence. He leaned toward her ear, his voice low, “You have a choice to make, Jaina. Either you join me or you die.”

“After everything you’ve done?” She hardly recognized her own voice – harsh, scratchy and dark. “Luke? Corran? Dad?!”

Kyp stepped back and rubbed his chin with his thumb, as if being thoughtful, “Luke was … very unexpected.” He shrugged then and his little smile returned, “Corran had it coming from day one. And Han’s not dead.”

Jaina narrowed her eyes, “I don’t believe you.”

“I care for him, Jaina. I would never kill him.” His cold laugh sent shivers down her spine. “He’s safe and that’s all you need to know.”

Anger getting the best of her, she screamed at him, her voice rising to an earsplitting pitch. With every ounce of power she had left, she pushed outward with the Force, not even halfway satisfied when she watched Kyp stagger back.
Kyp arched a dark brow and clapped his hands, “Wow, Jaina. You’ve grown stronger. Although not strong enough.”

“Let Dad go.”

“Is that why you’re here? To save Han?”

Jaina swallowed and tried her best to hide her tears. “He’s all I have left.”
In a small way, Jaina hoped to be able to reach the Kyp she’d gotten to know years ago. She hoped that somewhere deep down inside, he was still the nice and caring man he used to be, the man who’d loved her family as if it were his own.

“Heartbreaking, sweetheart.” Kyp said, one hand going up to grip his shirt right above his heart, “And I don’t care.”

The damage done, the pain subsides…

Jaina gathered the Force around herself, Kyp’s words digging into her heart, fueling her anger. She pushed at the invisible bonds as hard as she could and smiled slightly as one hand broke free. Calling on her lightsaber, Kyp dropped her and she landed on the marble floor with a thud.

“Let him go.” She lifted her blade in an attacking position, “If you don’t, I’ll kill you.”

Kyp laughed at her while clipping his blade from his belt, “I’d like to see you try.” He held up his blade as if to ward off any of her attacks, “So the answer is no.”

She charged him then but instead of using her blade to strike him, she kicked out with her leg, her foot connecting with his jaw. He regained his composure quickly, using the Force to push her backward as she slashed sideways towards his abdomen.

The fight went on with parrying and attacking, Jaina using her fists and legs and satisfied when she heard or felt a definite crunch. Jaina jumped upward, flipping over his head, wanting to strike him with her lightsaber when she suddenly felt herself flying to the ground uncontrollably. She landed with a loud thud, her body aching from various blows.

Kyp walked towards her and as Jaina readied for another attack, she felt his large hand around her neck. Lifting her off the floor as if she weighed nothing, he slammed her against one of the marble pillars. Her head rang and she had trouble keeping her eyes open.

“You still have a choice, Jaina. Join me. And you’ll be with your Father.”
“No.” she croaked between a split lip, “Never. I will fight you even if it means my death.”

I never kneel and I’ll never rest
You can tear the heart from my chest

“Have it your way, Jaina.”

I’ll make you see what I do best
I’ll succeed as you breathe your very last breath

He tightened his grip around her small neck and she reached up, trying to pry them free. Her dark eyes were clouded by fear and remorse, sadness and shame – and even sympathy.

“I… loved … you…” her voice was barely audible.
“Spare me the love talk.”

Raising his amethyst blade while watching her chocolate brown eyes, he plunged the lightsaber through her heart, watching as the life he’d known was drained from her body. He let her lifeless form fall to the ground.

“You should have said yes.” He whispered, crouching down and turning her around onto her back. Even in death, she was beautiful. She seemed at peace as if she were only sleeping – aside from the charred hole in her chest.

With a slight frown, he turned his head as he heard footsteps coming his way. “Cain.”
“Mylord.”

“You were here this whole time?”

Kyp didn’t need to turn around to know the man had nodded. “Get rid of the body.”
“Yes, Mylord.”

Kyp straightened and gave Jaina one last look. Cain came closer and bent down to retrieve her petite form and as he turned to leave, Kyp grabbed a hold of his shoulder, “Wait. A strand of her hair.”

Cain reached alongside Jaina’s head and cut off a dark strand of hair with the claws attached to his hand. He let the silky tresses fall into Kyp’s open palm.



“What’s this?” Mara Jade Skywalker asked as her son threw a small package onto the table. The remaining Jedi Knights and Masters gave the young boy a peculiar look.
Ben shrugged, “I don’t know. It just arrived.”

“Have you heard from Jaina?” Zekk spoke up, leaning against the wall with his arms folded across his chest.

Ben swallowed and shook his head, his blue eyes betraying the worry he felt for his cousin. “I can’t feel here, Zekk. She cut herself off from the Force when she left.”
The older man nodded once, “I know.” He returned his attention back to the outside world.

“She might still be alright.” Tahiri said in a low voice although it seemed she didn’t believe it herself.

“It was stupid of her to leave on her own and that’s the truth of it.” Mara piped in while getting to her feet to open the small package.

She ripped it open with a small tug and then stepped back with a short gasp.
Within it lay a curl of Jaina Solo’s hair.


Finis

Once I Got Lost In My Own House

Once I got lost in my own house. I was frightened to such an extent that my entire body shook with every wavering step I took. I kept looking around for a light to guide me to the outside, but there was only palpable darkness that was left for me to grasp.

My feet thudded along worn out splintering wooden floorboards as I reached out in hope to find a wall to guide myself through whatever room I was in. But it seemed it was a futile endeavor – I walked and walked and walked and never did I reach something solid to hold on to. There was only darkness and an unending emptiness.

I stopped and took a shuddering breath, my arms hanging at my sides as my inner fear grew, as hope seemed to flit away never to return. I turned around, knowing my eyes were open wide but I saw nothing. I heard nothing. There was nothing.

Trying to control growing anxiety I closed my eyes and reached out to the Force with all my senses, drawing the energy of all life towards me, letting it envelope me like a warm blanket that would block out all my fears.

But the moment I touched the Force I felt a ripple within the darkness around me and suddenly I did see something. I couldn’t place it but for a moment I thought some thing had extracted itself from the dark cloth that was beginning to choke me – the air grew thicker, warmer.

I forced myself to walk on, all the while feeling this darkness following me. It held my pace as I quickened my steps until I started to run as fast as I could. In the back of my mind I wondered how long it would take until I ran up against a wall within this old, cold house but nothing happened. I just kept running until my legs burned from exertion, until my breath came in ragged gasps and my lungs were aflame with red hot fire.

I leaned over, placing my hands on my knees to catch my breath. The darkness had stopped as if waiting for me to go on. I thought I heard it laugh, I thought I heard it snicker behind my back, taunting me for being weak, making fun of me for giving up.

I had given up long ago. So long ago I could hardly remember. But the darkness knew me – it knew my past, it new my present and it knew my future. The darkness knew me completely – better than even I knew myself.

And so it laughed, a silent chuckling at first, growing louder until the wretched sound boomed through my head.

I slapped my hands to me ears, using the Force to try and dampen the laugh but nothing worked. It grew louder and louder until I fell to my knees in pain and screamed at the top of my lungs for everything to stop. I wanted the darkness to stop laughing; I wanted this never ending house to show me to the door to the outside. To my freedom.

But there was only the sound of laughter, a deep drawling sound that suddenly shook the walls. The floorboards beneath my knees shuddered, I felt dust and grim trickle down from above as the entire house shook with such force, and it felt like it would collapse in on itself. The shaking and quaking went on for long minutes until suddenly I glimpsed a small beam of beautiful white light. And the laughing ceased.

I got back to my feet and stared at the white light coming from a few meters in front of me. As if it came through a whole, it grew wider – I could have stepped through without having to duck. But where would it lead me? Would I finally be free of this ongoing maze of torturing darkness? Of hopelessness and grief, failure and contempt?

I took my first step towards the beautiful white light, feeling its sudden warmth seep through my skin, through muscle and bone. But as I walked on, the darkness followed. It seemed it didn’t care about the light, it stuck to me so and it kept my pace. A dark cloud looming behind me, watching my every move.

Long minutes passed by until I finally reached what looked like a large whole ripped into the fabric of the darkness. Without another thought I stepped through and suddenly found myself standing on a grassy slope, wind howling around me, twirling leaves and debris in the air.

I was confused. The opening had disappeared but the darkness had followed me. Now standing below a beautiful yellow sun I could see the darkness as a being. To my eyes it seemed blurry and for a moment I thought I saw a man. The darkness chuckled once more and I decided to ignore it for the time being.

I was out of the house. But I had no idea where I was now.

I kept walking up the slope, watching as colorful birds flew by overhead, as puffy white clouds were moved by the fierce wind. I drew my robes around me tightly as my legs kept walking to no particular destination. Wherever this place was, it was very beautiful.

Then I heard laughter again. I felt fear well itself up inside me but after a moment I realized it was not the laughter of darkness. It was the laughter of an innocent child, a sweet sound coming from nearby.

I hurried my steps, my boots crunching on the soft green grass. I caught sight of a little boy running around a large tree, its leaves dancing with the wind. The boy glanced up and laughed again, the sound warming my heart. Something felt eerily familiar about this scene and when I got closer, I felt like my heart would jump through my chest.

I saw my mother leaning against the large tree, smiling at the boy as she talked with him. And then I remembered. I remembered my mother telling me grand stories of the Jedi as warriors. I remembered my mother telling me about my father, about my grandfather and my uncles – a long line of Jedi Knights throughout history.

I was seeing myself as a child.

And then the darkness laughed again. It chilled me from within as I glanced around – the darkness hovered in front of me and again I thought I saw the shape of a man. The laugh grew louder within my head but this time I could hear whispering words as well.

You’ve failed your family. You are the only one.

I stumbled backwards at the words and shook my head, “No.”

The darkness laughed again, the sound growing louder, piercing at the back of my eyes. And suddenly the beautiful plateau of green grass vanished and I saw the war.

The Yuuzhan-Vong war in which so many had lost their lives. Including my father. I was so young when he died and throughout the years I caught myself wondering if I would have led my own life differently if he would have survived. He had been an honorable man, my mother used to say. And he’d given his life freely to help those who needed his help. He was the man I so longed to be.

I closed my eyes as screams of anguished crashed into my mind. I tried dampening the voices with the Force but still they were there, still I felt them die. I was standing on a field of the dead. Yuuzhan Vong warriors trailed the premises, their hideous amphistaffs wrapped around their tattooed wrists. They spoke in their guttural language and I felt shivers run through me.

“Why am I here?” I whispered as I watched one of the warriors straighten to his full height, the amphistaff uncoiling from his arm. With a swift stroke the warrior had pierced a body lying at his feet. But the being was already dead. I could feel it, I could see it. And still the warrior went on, piercing the dead again and again. I could hardly watch.

You can change this.

“This is history.” I whispered, “No one can change history.”

You’re father changed history.

“My father is dead.” I said with a stern voice. I hated being reminded of my father, I hated being compared to him. I am not my father, nor will I ever be.

The darkness laughed and I closed my eyes, my jaw clenched. “Stop this.”

Why?

It laughed, taunting me as it swirled above my head. I heard the crunching and oozing sound of the staffs penetrating soft flesh, I heard the light laughter of darkness around me. I heard my ragged breath, my beating heart as fear tried to grip me from within.

“Stop this!” I bellowed, the laughter growing louder.

Why?

I felt a sudden tug and I was thrown to the ground. My breath shot out in a huff and I realized I was somewhere else entirely. The smell of scorched flesh was no more, I couldn’t hear the Yuuzhan Vong anymore – there was peace. So I thought.

I took a long look around and found myself on a graveyard. With a sickening feeling in my stomach I got to my feet slowly, a large grey tomb suddenly catching my eye.

The darkness was behind me and when I whirled around I frowned. There was definitely a man behind the darkness but I couldn’t recognize him. But he seemed familiar, even that cold laugh he emitted yet again.

Take a long look.

And I did. And I fell to my knees.

I was kneeling before my own tomb, a large grey and silver slab of rock, decorated only with golden letters that spelled out my name. And the day of my death.

I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat and shook my head, “This can’t be.”

You are the only one.

“I am the only one what?” I spat as I got to my feet and whirled around. But the darkness was gone suddenly and I shouted out, “What the hell is this?”

You are the only one of the family to turn dark.

I stepped back at the remark but said nothing. Yes, I had turned to the dark side. It was the one failure I wished to undo with all my heart.

You’re father would be so very proud of you.

The mocking tone of voice brought me to the peak of fear and anger and I shouted, I yelled. I unclipped my lightsaber from my belt, thumbing on the golden blade. Without giving it more than one thought, I lashed out at the tombstone, slicing the rock in two halves.

And then everything was gone. And I found myself back in the cold, old house with splintered floorboards. A small lamp was lit and the darkness that had followed me everywhere sat in an old armchair, its leg crossing the knee and it smiled at me.

And I recognized the darkness to be me.

I was staring into my own face – I was staring into the darkness.

“This can’t be.”

It laughed and slowly got to its feet, “But it is. You are me and I am you.”

“No!”

It came nearer and circled me, all the while keeping its arms crossed in front of its chest, “You must face that we are both the same person. If you do not you will die.”

“No. I will never return to the dark.”

It stopped behind me and I turned around, backing up a step as I gazed into its golden eyes, flecked with red.

“You don’t have to return to the dark.” It said with a soft voice, “But you mustn’t run away. You will die if you do not face me.”

“I will not –“

“You will die.”

I heard another voice then, a soft voice laced with worry, calling to me. It took me a moment to realize it was the voice of my wife and I frowned. She wasn’t with me. Where was the voice coming from?

“You have to make a choice.” The darkness with my face said, standing in front of me, “The time is now. Face me or die.”

“I will not die.”

I heard my wife’s voice yet again and I could have sworn I felt her light touch on my face.

“Then embrace me.” The darkness said and I stepped away in shock.

“No! Never!”

“Do you not understand?” the darkness shouted coming closer, “Do you want to die? Do you want to become one with the Force like your father? Do you want to leave your wife and son behind?” The darkness smiled a thin evil smile, “Do you want your son to become what you are today? A broken man without hope?”

I shook my head adamantly and swallowed. I heard my wife’s soft voice beckoning me to return to her.

“Then embrace me. Embrace the darkness. Know that the darkness is within you as well as the light. You and I are one.”

I couldn’t do it. I could never return to the darkness that had almost destroyed everything I had ever lived for. But I heard my wife sob for me, I heard my son shouting my name. I couldn’t leave them behind like my father had left me.

“Embrace me.” The darkness said yet again.

Tears of fear welled up in my eyes and I clenched my jaw shut. My family was waiting for me – I had no choice.

I spread my arms and took two steps forward, embracing the darkness with my face, pulling it firmly against my body. There was a feeling as if the two of us were merging into one being.

The house around me began to quake again, dust and grime falling from the ceiling above. There was a sudden flash of blinding white light and then a clear and silent nothingness.

“He’s awake!” I heard someone say and then I felt warm fingers caress my face, warm lips pressing against mine.

“You’ve come back to me.”

My wife.

I opened my eyes and blinked a few times before I could focus on her beautiful features. I had come back, yes. I had embraced the dark side of me, I had become one with it. Would I be able to fight it if it ever arose? I didn’t know and still I do not.

Once I got lost in my own house. Once I got lost in my own mind.